Feelings, Emotions, Explosions

Feelings, what do you do with them? Good, bad, or indifferent all are so powerful that anyone of them can become overwhelming. You want to vent, to bitch and complain, explode like a volcano. But what do you do?

Something good or bad happens and you bottle it up inside telling no one you eventually explode.

Something good happens. You can't stop yourself from talking about it. Some people find it interesting, most likely don't care, and a few are going to just be annoyed for one reason or another. But if you talk too much about how great this good thing was then all those people will think you only care about you or that you talk to much or any number of other negative things. So do you talk a little and keep some bottled up to just prolong your explosion?

Something bad happens. You can't stop yourself from talking about it. Some people try to help you, most likely don't care, and a few are going to just annoy you for one reason or another. And if you talk too much about how bad things are and all your problems then all those people will think you're a bitch and complain about everything and go on about any number of other negative things. So do you talk about some bad things and keep the rest bottled up to just prolong your explosion?

Inevitably when you share your feelings openly and freely, whether they're good or bad, most people end up disliking you for it, at least to a certain degree. And a very, VERY small few will actually like you for it without ever getting upset or annoyed by you.

But what does every single one of them say? Whether it's good or bad? Don't bottle up your emotions, it's not good to keep stuff inside, let it all out...

So what's that all about? Do people just subconsciously secretly want everyone around them to get on their nerves until they themselves explode in emotions causing themselves to get on everyone else's nerves?

Such a volatile situation. You keep your feelings bottled up you explode eventually. You let them out slowly everyone around you explodes instead. And those same people push and persuade you to share the emotions almost as if they want to piss themselves off.

So what do you do? What do you do???

* * * B A N G * * *

Titanic in 3D

My mom is perhaps the biggest titanic fanatic ever. My whole life she's always had two stories, two events, two whatever you wanna call them that she's been obsessed over. Titanic is number one, other is Jack the Ripper, don't ask me why.

So, she informed me that James Cameron is intending to remake the Titanic movie in 3D and apparently her and tons of other silly people are up in arms complaining. The thing I'm hearing mostly from what she's told me about this is that, "no one wants to see people die in 3D."

Ok, so I'm like, you realize if the Titanic were made now and released now it would've been in 3D. Big budget James Cameron movie would've totally been in 3D. So because the technology didn't exist at the time it was released we should ignore the technology now? What if it was made in the 1940's in black and white? And then what if in the 1970's someone wanted to colorize it? Would we say, "oh no we can't have the Titanic in color! No one wants to see people die in color!" What's the difference? And what of the future? "Oh now we can't remake Titanic in virtual reality, no one wants to see people die in virtual reality so let's just leave it in 3D!" I mean when does the idiocy stop?

I mean I'm thinking to myself the government if falling apart financially, medical issues run rampant, LGBTQ youth and adults are committing suicide and getting assaulted, there's wars, famine, energy crisis, weather changes, animal torture, joblessness, homelessness...

And people are actually finding time to bitch that the Titanic is being remade in 3D?!? Seriously? WTF, get some perspective people!

October, Not Quite What I Expected...

This was supposed to be the big month of great things. Had stuff planned every day just about. Conferences, groups, events, parties, doctors, and a dozen other things.

It started out good enough right on the 1st, like most months lol. Seriously though, October 1st and 2nd were great! Went to a two day conference that was pretty cool. Met plenty of awesome people and had a good time. Seemed like a great start to the great month...

Then that Monday came. Monday the 3rd. Right off had my gastroenterologist call to reschedule because he was sick and out of the office. That's fine, I've had him for 15 years and he has throat cancer, I understand and am thankful he's even still seeing me. Then my dad cancels because his friend is in the hospital. Ok fine. Then I had some legal issues to deal with and they all fell to crap. I was like great, that's one day, whatever.

Since then I've had my hair removal laser broke, my best friend was sick so didn't make it to drumming circle, had to reschedule legal stuff, had to reschedule blood work. And it's been like that for the most part.

I did get to go with my best friend on her big 40th bday to an open mic night at the UU church in Hollywood. That was cool. And I did get to visit my friend Val and her family and do some shots and watch a cool movie. But then this week started up and CVS gave me grief about filling a prescription because I had last filled it at a different CVS. I went to my primary doctor today and they didn't even have me down for an appointment, doctor wasn't even there. Despite that I have their appointment card with the time and date written down by them. And then the icing on the cake I get booted from my EverQuest guild without even the decency of being told. Can read more about that on my gaming blog HERE.

Oh, did I mention that I've been fighting a cold for three days? I mean seriously, unbelievable. I'm almost scared to do anything at this point with a track record like this.

However, I do have blood work and therapist rescheduled for tomorrow, group on Thurs., legal stuff rescheduled for Friday, and FIVE doctors rescheduled for next week! Not to mention the other things going on. And I'm now forced to app to a new guild in EverQuest. Hopefully this time all this stuff will work out.

With any luck though, I'll get everything taken care of, be it a week or two later than planned. And then by the 29th it should be PARTY TIME! Awesome party I'm looking forward to on the 29th to celebrate Halloween and several birthdays. Then the 31st is a Samhain Rite at the UU church. I already have two new costumes ready. Unfortunately I don't look as good in the Green Lantern woman's costume as I thought. It's still nice though. However, I look BAD ASS in the black suited Spider-Girl costume. Probably do Green Lantern for the party and Spider-Girl on the 31st because it's so comfortable too. It's a dress not a jumpsuit.

Anyway, I still have hope for October to be the greatest month ever despite the first half being rubbish.

Doctor Who... Now What?

Well, I've caught up watching Doctor Who episodes. I didn't really think I was going to actually manage to do that but I did. Well at least with the newer stuff.

I've seen ALL televised versions of Doctor Who from the 8th Doctor through the 11th Doctor's current episode that aired yesterday, Season 6, Episode 10, "The Girl Who Waited." Starting with that craptastic 1996 TV movie simply called Doctor Who but often tagged "Enemy Within" by fans. And then the entire new series starting in 2005 with the 9th Doctor (Christoper Eccleston) Season 1, Episode 1 "Rose". Though all Doctors and companions, 10th Doctor (David Tennant), 11th Doctor (Matt Smith), Rose Tyler, Jackie and Pete Tyler, Micky Smith a.k.a. Ricky a.k.a. Micky the idiot, Captain Jack Harkness a.k.a. The Face of Boe and the Torchwood 3 team from Cardiff, U.N.I.T., former prime minister Harriet Jones, Matha Jones, her sister Tish and their brother and mom and family, Astrid Peth, Lady Christina, Donna Noble, her mom and granddad Wilfred Mott, the return of Sarah Jane Smith & K-9, Mr. Smith, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, River Song a.k.a. Mel a.k.a. Melody Pond, Winston Churchill, The Daleks, Cybermen, The Master, The High Council of the Time Lords, Adipose, Sontarans, Weeping Angels, Ood, The Silence, Judoon, Silurians, Hath, Vashta Nerada, and a hundred others I can't even remember from the battle of Canary Wharf to the Pandorica, past, present, and future. I've seen all the holiday and seasonal specials, all the animated versions including "Dreamland" and "Infinite Quest". Have also watched all of Torchwood including the two normal seasons, the 5 part "Children of Earth" and the 10 part "Miracle Day".

So, now what? I grew up watching 4th Doctor (Tom Baker) mostly and some of the first 3 Doctors in repeats and such. I guess I need to watch Doctors 5-7? Somehow I imagine those as sucking since the series sort of died for 12ish years or something after them (not counting the stupid 1996 movie). I'm tempted to go back to Season 1, Episode 1 and start over and watch ALL of it again... But, that was like a lot. I figure if you add it all together both Doctor Who and Torchwood and specials it's over 100 episodes easily. Torchwood alone is 41 episodes and there's 69 from Season 1-5, plus 10 so far in season 6, plus the specials and animated. So, 120+ hours roughly. It was all so freaking awesome. I cried like a baby through most of it with the companions and friends coming and going, very emotional. Hence, a lot of it sort of blurred together. Especially back to the 9th and 10th Doctors, it blurs for me and is hard to recall which one did what, or which companion was where when. Also, that first time through was confusing figuring out how and more significantly when Torchwood fit in to the Doctor's timeline. And I'm still confused over Capt. Jack's entire history and time line. Thing is, a lot of what made those episodes great was not having any clue of the bizarre twists. One of the only shows I've ever seen that constantly catches me unprepared where I thought I knew what was going on and suddenly something totally different and unexpected would happen and completely change every thought I had up to that point. Watching it a second time, already knowing the twists and turns and how it's going to go might really make rewatching it kinda crappy.

As much as I like Matt Smith, I do miss David Tennant a lot. He was so much cooler. The 11th Doctor is insane. Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor is just way over the top. Show is so much darker now, too dark. And it's not like when we changed from 9th Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) to 10th Doctor (David Tennant). Going from 10th to 11th we got all new companions, all the old ones gone forever, Sarah Jane Smith actually died in real life so she's definitely not coming back. Even the writers and production crew are all different. The theme music and introduction and even the logo all different. The TARDIS is new both inside and out. He dresses different, sonic screwdriver is different, different habits and terminology and everything. 9th and 10th Doctors were so similar. I mean we went from "Fantastic" to "Brillaint". What does 11th Doctor say? "Fezes are cool." "Bow ties are cool." I mean wth is that? lol And I quite miss "Allons-y", "Molto bene", "What!? What? What???", "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.", "ooooh yes!". All the 11th Doctors expressions are weird. I mean, "Fish fingers and custard", seriously? And the 11th Doctor is too out of control, he thinks he's god now. He's chased off entire armadas with fleets from his worst enemies over 908ish years by telling them who he is and that they should let someone else try to kill him first. He's too cold, too crazy. I do still like the new show but it's not what it was with Doctors 9 and 10 in the Russel T. Davies years.

I do want to add this little bit about Torchwood, a quote copied from the Wikipedia entry:

Torchwood explores several themes in its narrative, in particular LGBT themes. Various characters are portrayed as sexually fluid; through those characters, the series examines homosexual and bisexual relationships. The programme also addresses issues around existentialism, the nature of human life and the absence of a traditional afterlife, and the corrupting nature of power.

That also holds true for Doctor Who. I would just like to say you can lock me in a phone box with the 10th Doctor (David Tennant) and companion Rose Tyler (Billie Piper) any day! rofl

September...

Well, July was just about the best month ever! August, mostly frustrating and annoying, still quite a bit of fun though. September however is already looking like it's going to suck pretty bad. All I see for this month is a lot of legal and medical crap, a lot of helping my mom and dealing with a house that's falling apart. And who knows what else.

Month starts out with one of my best friends birthdays. Someone I pretty much grew up with. Known him for 22+ years. Today's his 35th birthday and we can't even celebrate because he got into some trouble. Stupid trouble, stupid situation, all because of alcohol. It's sad, I keep thinking of him on his birthday unable to celebrate with friends and family, unable to wake up or go to sleep when he wants, unable to go where he wants, unable to eat what he wants, or even watch TV or see a movie that he wants. Extremely upsetting and not a thing I can do about it. Happy birthday Rodney, hope to see you again soon...

On the plus side, October is looking to be an AWESOME month, if I make it that far!

Doctor Who

Ok, I seem to have officially gone Doctor Who crazy! I grew up watching Tom Baker as the fourth Doctor Who on PBS back when we only had like channels, 2, 4, 6, 7, 10, 17, 23, 29, 33, 39, 51. And most signed off at night with the national anthem, long time ago, getting old lol. But in those days there wasn't a whole lot to watch that was actually intellectually stimulating and not just mindless dribble like Hee-Haw or Lawrence Welk. At night when the cartoons and muppet style shows were over it was either go to sleep, watch news, or PBS. And it was there I watched Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, the original Twilight Zone and Outer Limits, Dark Shadows, Monty Python and Benny Hill. That right there should explain a lot about how I grew up to have the personality I have, where I think too much and find a joke in everything.

Anyhow, somewhere in the 80's Doctor Who kinda faded away. With the success of Star Wars movies, E.T., Close Encounters, and a million others from Starman to TRON; Doctor Who kinda fell by the wayside. I remember in the '90s, I believe 1996, there was a Doctor Who TV movie with a lot of hype. I believe it was a Sci-Fi channel special or some network maybe. Lots of hype, was excited, thought it was going to make a huge comeback. Sadly though, the movie pretty much sucked. I remember nothing but bits and pieces of it now and will watch it again but that kinda killed Doctor Who for me in my mind it was gone. Hadn't seen it in years and years on TV and all they came back with was a crappy movie, kinda like what happened to Lost in Space.

I knew there was a new series that had started in 2005 but I didn't pay it much mind or intend to watch it. Had no idea if it was even on any of the stations I had at that time. In the last two years I've seen Doctor Who everywhere! Tons of places both online and real life. From stuff sold online at ThinkGeek or Entertainment Earth to real life WalMart or Toys R Us. T-shirts on most of the big shirt sites like JINX. I started to get kinda curious but was like, 777 episodes, 48 years, too much. Seemed kinda overwhelming to even try to check it out now. I know most of the other huge Sci-Fi and Fantasy franchises have, in considerably less time than 48 years, grown to be huge and complicated and involved. I kept thinking about Star Wars or Star Trek or even Lord of the Rings or Stargate. And how many years and all the sub-stories and how involved they've become and figured I'd just skip Doctor Who like I did the new Battlestar Galactica and Firefly and some of the other newer and fairly popular franchises.

Then, Comcast finally pushed our last button so-to-speak and we ditched them. When we switched to DirecTV the stations I was most excited about were Cartoon Network, Disney XD (cause of the new TRON Uprising coming soon), and BBC America. I found myself watching BBCA like nonstop. And then one day I wandered onto an eleventh Doctor episode with Matt Smith. He was popping up and down the stairs through time telling himself what he was doing and giving things to people in the past and taking them out of their pockets in the present and then he saw himself die and fall down the stairs before he even reached the top and I was like whoa OMG this is awesome. Very rarely, in fact, next to never does a time travel type of show or anything like that confuse me. I mean things like the Matrix or Inception or many of the Trek episodes, heck even Back to the Future, none of those kind of things were ever remotely confusing. The what's real what isn't, what happened in what order, and how did this happen back then based on what hasn't happened yet, all that kinda stuff always been easy for me to understand usually before it's ever fully explained. This however was one of the first times I sat there like WTH just happened? Still I think about that episode and it makes no sense. He doesn't know what he's doing until he tells himself to do it and the only way he knows to tell himself what to do is because he's left himself a note that he hasn't even written yet but how'd he know what to write to tell himself what to do if he hasn't done it yet? There's no start. It's the chicken and the egg times infinity. I was hooked immediately.

Since then I went back and started with the new series, season 1 , episode 1, the ninth Doctor and one of my favorites despite him only having like 12 or 14 episodes. I've since watched all the ninth Doctor episodes, about 2/3 of the tenth Doctor and a few random eleventh Doctor episodes and I can say for fact that this show is AMAZING! The stories are so well written. Especially the ones by Russel T. Davies. I think I like Doctor 9 the best than 11 than 10, despite the popularity of the tenth doctor and the amount of episodes he's been in, I just like 9 and 11 more. And it's not the special effects or any of that that makes the show good. The effects are mostly lame with a few CGI backdrops here and there. But the stories are really, really, well written. I've cried through probably 3/4 of them at least. They're so emotional. You really come to realize how alone the Doctor is and every time you start to really like one of his companions or even him, they die, or move on, or he regenerates into a new incarnation, or something happens. The whole point being that time keeps going no matter how good or bad everything else around you gets, time and the universe keep going.

I'd guarantee that anyone I know that likes Sci-Fi, no matter how little or how much, watches the first three episodes with the ninth Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) and you'll be hooked. That's 2005, series 1, episode 1 "Rose", episode 2 "The End of the World, episode 3 "Unquiet Dead". Watch those and tell me you don't LOVE the show at that point.

Brief Update

Haven't blogged in awhile. Life has been pretty unbelievably crazy lately. A lot of it is rather personal and private but this is what I can say.

This year has been nuts. First I had more than a few long lost friends return into my life. Then my dad gave me his 2009 Honda Accord. Then we put the dog to sleep making this the first time in my life I don't own a dog. Then my best friend runs into someone that was able to help me find doctors and help I needed. A great many things have happened since then.

I wish I could elaborate more but the majority of it is in fact too private a matter to discuss here. Suffice to say my entire life has changed within the last 2 to 3 months in particular. July 13th currently stands as the new happiest day of my life so far. I've had little to no time for gaming or facebook stuff due to all the real life things happening. There's been parties, birthdays, conventions, doctors, something every day just about. I almost feel like everything before this year was just a bad dream.

Just within this last week the washer and dryer broke, the ceiling caved in, the bathroom light broke, the cable TV went out leading to another fight with Comcast that then led to us getting DirecTV. We got a fine for too much crap in the back yard. Cat had kittens right in front of us in the middle of all this while it was raining! I mean seriously, it's like wth else can happen right?

As I posted once a week or two ago on facebook; life really is like a roller coaster! Once it gets going there's a lot of ups and downs but mostly it just goes really fast. You can't steer and there's no way to slow it down or speed it up. All you can really do is enjoy the ride, maybe scream, and hope you don't puke along the way. The only thing with me though is that my ups have been like Mt. Everest in the Himalayas and my downs have been like Challenger Deep in the Mariana Trench.

Overall it's been quite a ride and far from over.