Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles

Cool Dream I Had Last Night.

I often wonder where the crazy things that happen in my dreams come from, especially when I have one that I wish I hadn't woke up from.

This dream started pretty strange like most of my dreams that I can remember.  I was working in a grocery store.  Not one of the big chain stores like we have today but one of those old small neighborhood grocery stores that I don't think even exist anymore.  There were only about 4 isles in the store, maybe 8 employees.  My job seemed to be walking around.  I didn't seem to serve any real purpose, wasn't stocking anything or doing inventory, wasn't a cashier or anything far as I could tell.  I was just walking around.  It was my first day there.  Most of the employees looked like they popped right out of a facebook game.  They were nerdy, thick glasses, freckles, pig tails, it was bad.  Except for one old man, looked like Mr. Wipple (the "please don't squeeze the Charmin" guy).  All he was doing was mopping the floor.  Well not so much the floor as mopping the same spot over and over all day.

Apparently the store manager was that fat slimey guy that owns or is editor in chief or something for Penthouse magazine I think it is.  He's been in the news since before I was born, forget his name.  No clue why he was the store manager but apparently he was.  At closing time he comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "the best part of working here is night time."  I was thinking, like um, ok, cause day time has sucked so far.

Then BAM, everyone was gone and where there were isles with shelves of food there was now rows of arcade games.  Giant arcade cabinets with PC's built into them linked via LAN with 4 player co-op games going on and regular arcade games and classics from the 80's.  Instead of the scummy neighborhood the store was in, suddenly we were in London, I also do not know why.  It was dark and lit like a club, music going, everyone had British accents now.  It seemed like everyone kept saying something about this being a "meet and greet" and I was like what the heck does that mean?  I figured it must be some kind of English thing.  Then some woman, in black leather, with the red and black haircut from the Nightclub City game comes up to me and is like, "ya know this is a meet and greet?  so like greetings" then she jumped me.  I figured she must be bi or gay or something apparently.  Then I woke up.

Ok, I'm not sure what it is about that dream that I liked so much.  All I know is I woke up feeling like it had really happened and wished I hadn't woke up yet.  But, here's the thing.  Since I was a little kid whenever one of my dreams has gone on really long it always ends up morphing into one of two endings.  I know that sounds strange, but I remember growing up every really intense dream I had whether good or bad, if it lasted long enough, would just somehow change and end up in one of two endings.

Most often, everyone on the planet would turn into an alligator and chase me up one of those old fashion outdoor television antennas.  Then I'd wake up.

Or, I'd grab my magical inflatable Donald Duck life raft, inflate it, put it around my waist and suddenly have the ability to fly.  However, I then quickly discover that I do not have the ability to land and wake up about the time I begin to burn up in the atmosphere.

So, maybe it's a good thing I woke up when I did?  LOL  Who knows!

I think I have issues yes?

Time Flies... FAST... Like Transwarp Drive Fast!

I hate thinking about time.  The past, the future.  It always leaves me depressed for a million reasons.  That which should've been, that which should be.

This time it was my modem that got me thinking about time.  The last couple EarthLink people I had on the phone had both asked about or commented on the fact that my modem was really old.  I was like yeah, it's old.  I didn't think it was THAT old.  I mean I remember having 2 or 3 that already broke before this one.  The new model modem arrived today.  As soon as I set eyes on it I realized, my modem must be older than I had initially thought.  I grabbed the tape measure just to be sure.  Old modem measures 12" x 8" x 2" with 6 lights, a huge heavy plug, and ran hot enough to melt the bottom 1/2" of the pillar candle I had on top of it.  My new modem measures 4" x 4" x 1" (that's 1/12 the size!) with 4 lights all labeled completely different things, plug is small and light as a feather and it runs completely cool at room temperature.  I'm like huh, wow, guess it has been awhile since I got that last one.

This of course inevitably led me to thinking about the past, friends, family, my health and life.  Things I really don't care to think about most of the time.

First thing that popped into my mind is the recent discovery of something my family on my dad's side were apparently hiding and keeping secret.  My dad let it slip about a week ago.  I found it both disturbing and annoying and frankly disgusting to a certain degree.  One of my cousins, she's like 3 years older than me with 4 kids, has a son.  Well, I found out that my cousins 15 or 16 year old son has a 1 year old kid!  I was totally aghast.  First off, he's as wide as he is tall, he weighs over 250 lbs easily.  He has 3 chins, massive acne, a god awful buzz cut mess of hair on top of his egg shaped head.  He's like the human Humpty Dumpty.  And he has a 1 year old kid?  I mean how does this happen?!?  I don't mean to be mean but seriously, I don't get this.  And here I am, halfway decent looking, genius wit, dry but lovable humor, generally nice person, and my last boyfriend was 1997 and my last girlfriend was 1994.  What's wrong with this picture?  This has me all bent.  Not that I have the time, money, health, strength, or patience to deal with another person but still, this seems messed up in so many ways.

Then I look at my best friend's kids.  When last I saw them they were little, very little, running around all hyper terrorizing our Star Trek, Starfleet International Fan Club meetings.  Now they're old!  I mean they're like 15 - 16 or something and look like they're 20 something.  I'm like wow it wasn't THAT long ago!  But I guess it was...

My kitties, Storm and Tux, I love them so much hehe!  Anyhow, wasn't that long ago I saved them from an awful storm where their mother had abandoned them in a corner in the rain.  I got them, took them in, dried them off, fed them.  They're mom refused to take care of them after than when I put them back outside.  So I kept them.  Fed them warmed kitten milk in a dropper ever few hours for days, then kitten food and baby food mixed, and canned cat food.  Posted pics of them all over, most of my friends both real life and from EverQuest will likely remember me going on and on about them at the time.  They turn 3 years old next week.  THREE years!

For over a decade I've played EverQuest.  I'm still friends with many of the people I began the game with, having become very good friends with a couple of them.  I've seen people meet their spouses, have kids, some got divorced and remarried, some have moved time and time again.  So much has happened.

My 20th high school reunion is next year.  Friended a lot of the old class on facebook.  Most are married, lots have kids, some made it fairly successful far as I can tell, others did not.  And here I am, what have I to show for myself when the reunion arrives?  Single, no kids, broke as a joke, disabled with nearly a dozen medical conditions, a whole slew of medical horror story to share, yeah I'm a bundle of sunshine to add to any party, not!  I've been code blue 3x, I've had a dozen operations, been on hundreds of medications, am on first name basis with doctors and nurses in the emergency rooms of four different hospitals.

So, what if I have a genius level I.Q. and a generally awesome sense of humor, amazing wit, and am the coolest person I know?  My life is still a long craptastic tale of sadness, drugs, misery, loneliness, poverty, and medical nightmares.

I think I'm going to change my avatar from the Moonwolf to a cover of the box for the game of Life with a giant red circle and line through it.

John Lennon - Imagine

Memories, like most things, are often best left alone before you end up ruining them.

This has happened to me several times just this year and it sucks.

Starts out when someone or something reminds you of a television show, or song, or band, cartoon, or movie from your childhood, youth or teen years.  Of course at that point you start thinking "dang I really wish I could see / hear / watch that again."  This in turn leads to Google which almost always leads to either Wikipedia or Youtube.

So at this point you're all excited cause you found it.  But, when you finally do watch and or listen to whatever it is that you remember as being a highlight of your past, you sort of go blank.  You want to get all giddy and be all excited.  But you're not.  Instead you just sit there staring blankly.  When it's over you end up wondering what the heck it was you ever liked about that.  It totally ruins what was once a happy memory.  Granted this doesn't happen all the time.  More often than not you do enjoy watching, listening, experiencing this memory from the past.  But, there are those few annoying times when you just kill part of your childhood without even trying.

Here's a good example.  Earlier this year I was trying to remember this cartoon that I loved when I was really young.  It wasn't a full cartoon.  It was one of those little 5 min. cartoons that was part of a half hour cartoon.  There were a lot of those back then, Warner Bros. had Looney Toons, there was Tom and Jerry, The Pink Panther, lots of cartoons were in that format at the time.  All I could remember was that it was this messed up shark and his sidekick was a catfish.  My best friend who can find anything online managed to locate an episode of Misterjaw and Catfish from the Pink Panther cartoon.  I was excited.  Then I watched it.  I kinda forced out a chuckle midway, as if trying to make myself like it again.  But it sucked lol.  Animation was bad, humor was awful, and it had that annoying 70's fake audience laughing every few seconds.  I couldn't believe what a let down it was.  I remember being so excited when this would come on tv.  Clearly a memory that should have been left as a memory.

Another example that's happened repeatedly is music.  In particular, Motley Crue.  In the late 80's and early 90's I was like their biggest fan.  I had all their albums, posters, t-shirts, magazines.  I LOVED them.  Many times over the past few years I have tried to listen to them.  Something will come along and make me remember them.  I can barely get through one song before I change it.  I still love them...  But...  I just don't know.  And there's at least a dozen other bands that fall in this same category.

Television, this is a big one.  There are a lot of regular (non cartoon) shows that I use to love and have seen online and just couldn't believe how amazingly awful they were.  The list here is far too long to even start.

I think the next time I remember something that I use to love, I'm just gonna try to think of something else and let it stay as a "memory of something that I loved" and not become a "why the heck did I ever like that."

Tropical Storm Bonnie (...pfft...)

So, like I'm laying here looking at radar and stuff of this tropical storm.  Got to thinking, I wonder how many hurricanes I've actually been through in my life.  I can remember most of the big ones, but I know there's been dozens of smaller ones and tropical storms that have come and gone and weren't even interesting enough to leave a memory.

Won't even count tropical depressions because the count would be insane.  Heck I've been having a tropical "depression" most of my life!

So let's think back a sec and remember some of my most miserable moments.

First to come to mind would be Katrina.  Hurricane Katrina, 2005.  This was also probably the worst for me just due to my health at the time and the fact that this house, as I've mentioned many times in many places, is old, very, very old.  Not old enough to have been built out of coral rock or something that would stand the test of time like some houses in SoFlo and not new enough to have had to endure the Florida hurricane building zoning codes they added after Andrew in '92.  So, it doesn't take much to screw it up.  Katrina is a prime example.  Knocked out our power, phone, water, everything.  The first week I was living out of the car(s) with my mom, her dog and cats, and my cat at the time (he died since /cry).  Florida Power & Light had people in from all over Florida and out of state to help restore power and get lines off the roads.  One of these random people was sent to my block to restore power.  Well, they did, without checking the lines to the houses first.  They started a huge fire in our power box that led to us not having power for a second week.  After this happened FPL refused to come out to fix it because they said they don't handle the electric at the house only up to the pole.  Even though THEY started the fire and could've burnt the whole house down.  This led to us contacting the news and papers.  Which led to all kinds of chaos I don't want to get into because I don't want to remember how much it sucked.  At the time I had just been out of the hospital.  Had an colostomy bag then and couldn't even shower cause no hot water, no water, no electric, nothing.  It was a nightmare.  I think I'm permanently scarred from that one.  Ever since then I have bought several emergency weather radios, solar and hand cranked rechargeable flashlights, radios, fans, and things to charge other things like mp3 player, phone.  I think I own about 20 small battery powered fans now.  Pretty sure that's mental damage from trauma...

Hurricane Andrew, 1992.  Another lovely story this is.  Me and my ex living in the single worst possible place during the entire hurricane which was one of the worst in history.  Yes, we were in a trailer.  A non-anchored, towable type, 40 foot mobile home trailer.  Amazing that we survived.  Funny part is, everything around us got totaled pretty much.  Houses missing roof tops, massive, ancient trees ripped out of the ground and tossed down the block, my mom's tool shed behind her house vanished entirely, we never even found any of the parts to it, yet everything that was inside was still there in a pile on the concrete slab.  Funny the way these storms treat things.  Afterwards we were a national disaster area for months and months.  No power anywhere in most of SoFlo for weeks to months.  Entire city of Homestead basically wiped out.  People STILL to this very day have blue tarps over their houses from roof damage they couldn't afford to have fixed 18 years ago.  Meanwhile, while the world around us was in ruins, like curfews, national guard, like a war zone it was and in the middle of it me and my ex in a mobile home that had maybe 3 dents, windows were fine, we had power from gas, water, TV, we were in there playing Nintendo (yes the original 8bit NES with the box like controllers, the little hatch for the huge cartridge that you had to blow on to get it to work lol).  And I happened to be on crutches at the time as well.  Due to an on the job accident I had while working with the City of North Miami briefly.

Hurricane David, sometime in the '80's.  I was young, it seemed exciting to me, everyone was in a frenzy, got to go shopping all over for supplies.  And most importantly there was no school!  I don't remember this as being as bad as it was.  Seemed like the really rainy bad part went on forever though but I don't remember anything being damaged significantly.  Oddly this sticks in my head as the first one I really remember going through.

Hmm, can only remember 3.  I know I've been through a LOT more.  But those are the 3 that stuck with me.  Would really take an earth shattering storm to top or even compare to those though.

This storm, Bonnie, it won't be remembered by anyone.  Despite all the news and hubbub going on both on TV and radio right now.

Weight Loss Ring... Or Something...

So, I had thought that my first official blog post was gonna be more important, or significant, or something that this most certainly is not.  However, this is what's happening right now.

Well, my mom apparently bought us both one of these Chinese weight loss rings.  They were like 7 bucks.  It's basically a large silver spring with a ball on both ends.  The concept is the balls hit acupressure points that lead to weight loss.  Ok, I can accept that up to that point.  It then goes on to say each finger represents a different area, so to lose weight in your hips put it on index finger, to lose weight in your butt wear it on your middle finger, for a flatter stomach place it on ring finger, and for your thighs place it on your pinky.  Alright sure, why not?  I'm far from fat but I would cetainly still like a flatter stomach right?

Well, first off it's one size fits all, fully adjustable...  So I'm thinking, it's a spring design so loosening or tightening it will cause the ends to no longer be lined up.  So, then how is it supposed to hit the proper acupressure points?

After nearly an hour of trying to loosen it, which turned out to be amazingly difficult, I finally got it on.  The middle part of the ring has two sections of spiral that are so big now that they don't even touch my finger.  The balls on the ends however are still rather tight.  From loosening it the balls are now a good half an inch out of alignment so they're most likely both missing the intended pressure points.  And it's not even nice looking.

Now, here's the punchline.  While I have lost the little bit of faith I had in this thing possibly working, it is in fact doing something.  I don't think it's hitting the points that I had hoped for but it's hitting something.  I am getting the most bizarre feeling up and down my forearm.  Almost painful but not quite.  More like the feeling you get when you hit your funny bone, only much less intense and kinda traveling back and forth from my finger to my elbow.  It's such a strange feeling and so similar to the "funny bone" feeling you get that I actually found myself laughing hysterically for a good 5 minutes.

It'll be interesting to see what, if anything, comes of this ring.  I may end up just having to take it off if this feeling doesn't lighten up soon.