Monday, January 24, 2011

Random Thoughts Going Through My Head

So, I'm just laying here thinking. Remembering how once I was part of "that" life most people live. Not just old relationships, but things like working, pretending to care about things I don't give a crap about, kissing people's asses for money, those kind of things. Strange to think back now, it's all such a blur, doesn't even seem like that was me or my life. The memories themselves are so strange like watching a movie or something I can't even relate to anymore.

Sure, growing up I was always a rebel. I never wanted to do anything anyone told me be it parents, teachers, whoever. But more often than not I gave in and did it anyhow. How strange it is now to even imagine caring about someone else as much as I did for ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends long since gone from my life. The very concept of work, of the millions of different jobs I had and how much I would never do them again even if I could.

My life is not better now, don't misunderstand. But it's not really worse either. Just different, very, very different. In every imaginable way. It took a lot all at once to get here. There was the naive child years of cartoons and comic books, video games and tv. The preteen years was traveling with parents and grandparent to just about everywhere. Then those outcast junior and senior high years. Then I snapped and went all out party freak, drugs, alcohol, clubs, out for days at a time, hard to imagine. Then all that stopped abruptly one day for no real reason except that I just stopped. Suddenly then came the Sci-Fi years. When I went back into what I loved as a child. Star Trek fan clubs, conventions, costumes, collectibles. What an extreme change. Each phase of my life came with it's own group of friends, it's own things I did and wanted to do, it's own set of ideas, and beliefs, each like a whole different person and life.

Then, I became disabled, ended up not working, had 13 operations and coded 3 times (code blue, flatlined, dead). At some point during that was that single defining moment that changes everything. When I suddenly realized that I don't care about what anyone thinks or says about anything and when I really began doing whatever I want whenever I want to. Problem being, it didn't take me long to realize I didn't actually want to do much of anything lol. I had already done so much and been through so much that I realized the one thing I wanted to do most was nothing. So, I did just that. Have spent the last 10+ years just gaming, the one constant though all phases of my life from little kid to drug addict and everything else was video games. So, I decided THAT was what I wanted to do. And that is what I've done.

This last year+ though many things have changed in my gaming worlds. And I'm starting to become bored with all that too. Not that I would ever stop, but I wish there was something else to do that was both worth doing and easy to do. Something that was fun and cheap. That I haven't already done in the billions of things I've done in the past. A hobby, a group, a place, a thing, something. But, I'm at a loss for ideas lol. So, I shall continue as is. Gaming. Doing whatever I want whenever I want. And not giving a shit about what anyone thinks about anything I say or do ever.

Such is life. (I'd just say "C'est la vie" but I'm not French...)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dedication to My Many Old Friends That Vanished...

So, I'm having an emotional sort of moment right now, not sure why. But, as the new year starts I keep thinking back about the past and all my old friends over the years that vanished, moved on, or I otherwise lost contact with for one reason or another.

I'd like to first point out to my current friends that this all has nothing to do with any of you. I know some of you tend to get weirded out when I post stuff like this. Love you all and this has nothing to do with you.

Even though none of the people in question will likely ever see this post, I just wanted to say in case any of you stumble upon it somehow someday that you are all missed and have never been forgotten.

These are all the people that had a profound impact on my life at some point for some reason. From all different periods of my life since childhood these were the friends that changed my life. Some were just good friends, that made hanging out and just every day life seem a little better and others are people I will always consider best friends. This does not include exboyfriends / exgirlfriends, just "friends".

Rodney Spurgeon
Konrad Nils Sara
Danilo Thomas Quintana
Howard Herbst
Marla Nyman
April Cerda
Felix Ramon Albuerne

and the late great Nathaniel Hurst RIP
forgive any name mispellings

Most of you vanished one day without an explanation or reason. And I hope one day we'll meet again.


Ok, so it's been kinda bothering me since I posted this. I think about these people literally every day for decades and decades in some cases. But, I feel bad having omitted my current friends. I just miss these people greatly and always hope that someday I'll see them again be it this life or whatever comes next.

But, I truly feel the following people MORE than deserve to be mentioned. These are the friends that either didn't disappear (yet lol) or that found me again after many, many years. You all also should know that you made some kind of impact on my life at some point and I just didn't feel right not mentioning you all, so here we go.

Norma Wills (you're the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, not that you need another one!)
Pat Wolf (or is it Wolfe my info has never been straight on that heh. We've had some crazy times together).
Jeff Hauser (We talk rarely & even though we haven't hung out in 10 years I consider you a great friend).
George Shult (or is it Shulte my info on that also been debatable over the years. You're definitely a "unique" individual).
Joe Dobson (You'll always be "Captain" to me).
Tom Woten (One of if not the the only classmate from high school that I can say I was actually friends with IN high school.)
And my many, many EverQuest gamer friends that number in the hundreds, too many to list. You've all made me laugh and we've had great fun for over a decade now and more to come hopefully!

<3 ALL

I'm tired...

Man, I really wanted to post something but I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open anymore.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

/bye 2010

So, I feel like I should say something about New Year's. Not sure what to say though so probably just going to ramble at this point.

2010, not the best year, lots of crap I could have done without. Not the worst year by any means though.

Cats are doing fine, parents are as good as can be expected at their age. Friends... most friends are like the tide, they come and they go. Very small handful of friends that stick around and they're all doing ok more or less.

Health wise I was in 3 different hospitals between Dec. 2009 and March 2010. But, I've been out since the last day of Feb. so that's a pretty long time for me I guess.

Had the bad news that my main doctor, my gastroenterologist has throat cancer, stage 2 I think. He was out of work most of the year but is back now. He's not doing too well though and I don't know how long it'll be before I'm forced to get a new doctor. After 15 or 16 years and 3 code blues and 13 operations with this doctor how do I replace him?

In other news, my EverQuest guild Fates Unbroken quit raiding. Was finally comfortable there after the fall of Stasis last year and bam that's that. And right after the server merge too. EverQuest has been my main past time for over 10 years and it's all changed drastically for me now. With the end of Stasis raids my friends spread out in many directions. After the server merge many more quit or moved to other servers. Then the fall of Fates Unbroken. And this new server is so different, I feel like I'm in a third world country when I play. They do everything different, loot, strategy, even the way they speak and terms they use. I feel like Dorothy lost in Oz with nothing but a damn dog. This year also brought House of Thule, the 2nd best EQ expansion ever and the best expansion in like 6 or 8 years or something.

In semi related news, the year ends with a server merge in EverQuest II as well. However this one seems to have gone pretty well. Nothing seems any different. I guess since only one person I know was playing before merger and that person still plays so not a whole lot to change lol. Not like what happened in EQ1.

2010 brought us some movies, most of which ended up sucking. A lot that looked promising for the Sci-Fi and Fantasy freaks that just bombed. Skyline was awful, Clash of the Titans bombed, Alice in Wonderland was just weird, Devil bleh M. Night Shyamalan really got lame, Robin Hood was kinda weird, Sherlock Holmes was crap, Mega Man major crap. Lots of disappointing movies. There were of course some good ones. First and foremost... TRON: Legacy! AMAZING movie, read my many other posts for more on that. Predators, better than I thought, pretty cool actually. Resident Evil: Afterlife, as good as the first 3 the series continues and is clearly set for a fifth movie after this one. Iron Man 2, fun, exciting, if you're a Marvel comic fan it's a must see. Grown Ups pretty fun if you're into Adam Sandler and a huge cast of great comedians. Inception, odd cast, awesome movie, very exciting, not for the low IQ people. Salt, not sure what to say about that movie. It's the best movie you'll ever hate. It had no end, just when it starts to make sense and get going and you're all ready for some answers suddenly you get ending credits. I'm still like what happened to the rest? lol It was great up until that point though.

TV brought us more of what we already had that was good such as House and NCIS. We also got The Event, an awesome show that's really hard to put into words. If you liked X-Files or Taken then you'd like The Event. I also came to like Covert Affairs with Piper Perabo and the show that comes on after The Event; Chase about a US Marshall.

All-in-all the year was kinda bleh. Biggest events I'll remember will be the release of TRON: Legacy and all the hype leading up to it. And my doctor getting sick. The rest, not significant enough to have left any lasting impression.

So, now here we are, 2011. hmmph. /shrug Guess we'll just wait and see what happens. If I look at my life and how things go in cycles of really bad to really good and some average uneventful years in between I'd have to say 2011 "should" actually be a really good year cause the last 2 or 3 have been bleh and the 6 or 7 before that were horrible. then the 3 or 4 before that were good, then about 7 years of crap before that. So, I "should" be looking at the beginning of a 2 to 4 year span of goodness. One can only hope lol.

Peace to anyone that actually reads this, and I guess to all those that don't too. Happy New Year's 2010 / 2011.