Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Feelings, Emotions, Explosions

Feelings, what do you do with them? Good, bad, or indifferent all are so powerful that anyone of them can become overwhelming. You want to vent, to bitch and complain, explode like a volcano. But what do you do?

Something good or bad happens and you bottle it up inside telling no one you eventually explode.

Something good happens. You can't stop yourself from talking about it. Some people find it interesting, most likely don't care, and a few are going to just be annoyed for one reason or another. But if you talk too much about how great this good thing was then all those people will think you only care about you or that you talk to much or any number of other negative things. So do you talk a little and keep some bottled up to just prolong your explosion?

Something bad happens. You can't stop yourself from talking about it. Some people try to help you, most likely don't care, and a few are going to just annoy you for one reason or another. And if you talk too much about how bad things are and all your problems then all those people will think you're a bitch and complain about everything and go on about any number of other negative things. So do you talk about some bad things and keep the rest bottled up to just prolong your explosion?

Inevitably when you share your feelings openly and freely, whether they're good or bad, most people end up disliking you for it, at least to a certain degree. And a very, VERY small few will actually like you for it without ever getting upset or annoyed by you.

But what does every single one of them say? Whether it's good or bad? Don't bottle up your emotions, it's not good to keep stuff inside, let it all out...

So what's that all about? Do people just subconsciously secretly want everyone around them to get on their nerves until they themselves explode in emotions causing themselves to get on everyone else's nerves?

Such a volatile situation. You keep your feelings bottled up you explode eventually. You let them out slowly everyone around you explodes instead. And those same people push and persuade you to share the emotions almost as if they want to piss themselves off.

So what do you do? What do you do???

* * * B A N G * * *

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Titanic in 3D

My mom is perhaps the biggest titanic fanatic ever. My whole life she's always had two stories, two events, two whatever you wanna call them that she's been obsessed over. Titanic is number one, other is Jack the Ripper, don't ask me why.

So, she informed me that James Cameron is intending to remake the Titanic movie in 3D and apparently her and tons of other silly people are up in arms complaining. The thing I'm hearing mostly from what she's told me about this is that, "no one wants to see people die in 3D."

Ok, so I'm like, you realize if the Titanic were made now and released now it would've been in 3D. Big budget James Cameron movie would've totally been in 3D. So because the technology didn't exist at the time it was released we should ignore the technology now? What if it was made in the 1940's in black and white? And then what if in the 1970's someone wanted to colorize it? Would we say, "oh no we can't have the Titanic in color! No one wants to see people die in color!" What's the difference? And what of the future? "Oh now we can't remake Titanic in virtual reality, no one wants to see people die in virtual reality so let's just leave it in 3D!" I mean when does the idiocy stop?

I mean I'm thinking to myself the government if falling apart financially, medical issues run rampant, LGBTQ youth and adults are committing suicide and getting assaulted, there's wars, famine, energy crisis, weather changes, animal torture, joblessness, homelessness...

And people are actually finding time to bitch that the Titanic is being remade in 3D?!? Seriously? WTF, get some perspective people!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

October, Not Quite What I Expected...

This was supposed to be the big month of great things. Had stuff planned every day just about. Conferences, groups, events, parties, doctors, and a dozen other things.

It started out good enough right on the 1st, like most months lol. Seriously though, October 1st and 2nd were great! Went to a two day conference that was pretty cool. Met plenty of awesome people and had a good time. Seemed like a great start to the great month...

Then that Monday came. Monday the 3rd. Right off had my gastroenterologist call to reschedule because he was sick and out of the office. That's fine, I've had him for 15 years and he has throat cancer, I understand and am thankful he's even still seeing me. Then my dad cancels because his friend is in the hospital. Ok fine. Then I had some legal issues to deal with and they all fell to crap. I was like great, that's one day, whatever.

Since then I've had my hair removal laser broke, my best friend was sick so didn't make it to drumming circle, had to reschedule legal stuff, had to reschedule blood work. And it's been like that for the most part.

I did get to go with my best friend on her big 40th bday to an open mic night at the UU church in Hollywood. That was cool. And I did get to visit my friend Val and her family and do some shots and watch a cool movie. But then this week started up and CVS gave me grief about filling a prescription because I had last filled it at a different CVS. I went to my primary doctor today and they didn't even have me down for an appointment, doctor wasn't even there. Despite that I have their appointment card with the time and date written down by them. And then the icing on the cake I get booted from my EverQuest guild without even the decency of being told. Can read more about that on my gaming blog HERE.

Oh, did I mention that I've been fighting a cold for three days? I mean seriously, unbelievable. I'm almost scared to do anything at this point with a track record like this.

However, I do have blood work and therapist rescheduled for tomorrow, group on Thurs., legal stuff rescheduled for Friday, and FIVE doctors rescheduled for next week! Not to mention the other things going on. And I'm now forced to app to a new guild in EverQuest. Hopefully this time all this stuff will work out.

With any luck though, I'll get everything taken care of, be it a week or two later than planned. And then by the 29th it should be PARTY TIME! Awesome party I'm looking forward to on the 29th to celebrate Halloween and several birthdays. Then the 31st is a Samhain Rite at the UU church. I already have two new costumes ready. Unfortunately I don't look as good in the Green Lantern woman's costume as I thought. It's still nice though. However, I look BAD ASS in the black suited Spider-Girl costume. Probably do Green Lantern for the party and Spider-Girl on the 31st because it's so comfortable too. It's a dress not a jumpsuit.

Anyway, I still have hope for October to be the greatest month ever despite the first half being rubbish.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Doctor Who... Now What?

Well, I've caught up watching Doctor Who episodes. I didn't really think I was going to actually manage to do that but I did. Well at least with the newer stuff.

I've seen ALL televised versions of Doctor Who from the 8th Doctor through the 11th Doctor's current episode that aired yesterday, Season 6, Episode 10, "The Girl Who Waited." Starting with that craptastic 1996 TV movie simply called Doctor Who but often tagged "Enemy Within" by fans. And then the entire new series starting in 2005 with the 9th Doctor (Christoper Eccleston) Season 1, Episode 1 "Rose". Though all Doctors and companions, 10th Doctor (David Tennant), 11th Doctor (Matt Smith), Rose Tyler, Jackie and Pete Tyler, Micky Smith a.k.a. Ricky a.k.a. Micky the idiot, Captain Jack Harkness a.k.a. The Face of Boe and the Torchwood 3 team from Cardiff, U.N.I.T., former prime minister Harriet Jones, Matha Jones, her sister Tish and their brother and mom and family, Astrid Peth, Lady Christina, Donna Noble, her mom and granddad Wilfred Mott, the return of Sarah Jane Smith & K-9, Mr. Smith, Amy Pond, Rory Williams, River Song a.k.a. Mel a.k.a. Melody Pond, Winston Churchill, The Daleks, Cybermen, The Master, The High Council of the Time Lords, Adipose, Sontarans, Weeping Angels, Ood, The Silence, Judoon, Silurians, Hath, Vashta Nerada, and a hundred others I can't even remember from the battle of Canary Wharf to the Pandorica, past, present, and future. I've seen all the holiday and seasonal specials, all the animated versions including "Dreamland" and "Infinite Quest". Have also watched all of Torchwood including the two normal seasons, the 5 part "Children of Earth" and the 10 part "Miracle Day".

So, now what? I grew up watching 4th Doctor (Tom Baker) mostly and some of the first 3 Doctors in repeats and such. I guess I need to watch Doctors 5-7? Somehow I imagine those as sucking since the series sort of died for 12ish years or something after them (not counting the stupid 1996 movie). I'm tempted to go back to Season 1, Episode 1 and start over and watch ALL of it again... But, that was like a lot. I figure if you add it all together both Doctor Who and Torchwood and specials it's over 100 episodes easily. Torchwood alone is 41 episodes and there's 69 from Season 1-5, plus 10 so far in season 6, plus the specials and animated. So, 120+ hours roughly. It was all so freaking awesome. I cried like a baby through most of it with the companions and friends coming and going, very emotional. Hence, a lot of it sort of blurred together. Especially back to the 9th and 10th Doctors, it blurs for me and is hard to recall which one did what, or which companion was where when. Also, that first time through was confusing figuring out how and more significantly when Torchwood fit in to the Doctor's timeline. And I'm still confused over Capt. Jack's entire history and time line. Thing is, a lot of what made those episodes great was not having any clue of the bizarre twists. One of the only shows I've ever seen that constantly catches me unprepared where I thought I knew what was going on and suddenly something totally different and unexpected would happen and completely change every thought I had up to that point. Watching it a second time, already knowing the twists and turns and how it's going to go might really make rewatching it kinda crappy.

As much as I like Matt Smith, I do miss David Tennant a lot. He was so much cooler. The 11th Doctor is insane. Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor is just way over the top. Show is so much darker now, too dark. And it's not like when we changed from 9th Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) to 10th Doctor (David Tennant). Going from 10th to 11th we got all new companions, all the old ones gone forever, Sarah Jane Smith actually died in real life so she's definitely not coming back. Even the writers and production crew are all different. The theme music and introduction and even the logo all different. The TARDIS is new both inside and out. He dresses different, sonic screwdriver is different, different habits and terminology and everything. 9th and 10th Doctors were so similar. I mean we went from "Fantastic" to "Brillaint". What does 11th Doctor say? "Fezes are cool." "Bow ties are cool." I mean wth is that? lol And I quite miss "Allons-y", "Molto bene", "What!? What? What???", "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.", "ooooh yes!". All the 11th Doctors expressions are weird. I mean, "Fish fingers and custard", seriously? And the 11th Doctor is too out of control, he thinks he's god now. He's chased off entire armadas with fleets from his worst enemies over 908ish years by telling them who he is and that they should let someone else try to kill him first. He's too cold, too crazy. I do still like the new show but it's not what it was with Doctors 9 and 10 in the Russel T. Davies years.

I do want to add this little bit about Torchwood, a quote copied from the Wikipedia entry:
Torchwood explores several themes in its narrative, in particular LGBT themes. Various characters are portrayed as sexually fluid; through those characters, the series examines homosexual and bisexual relationships. The programme also addresses issues around existentialism, the nature of human life and the absence of a traditional afterlife, and the corrupting nature of power.

That also holds true for Doctor Who. I would just like to say you can lock me in a phone box with the 10th Doctor (David Tennant) and companion Rose Tyler (Billie Piper) any day! rofl

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Well, July was just about the best month ever! August, mostly frustrating and annoying, still quite a bit of fun though. September however is already looking like it's going to suck pretty bad. All I see for this month is a lot of legal and medical crap, a lot of helping my mom and dealing with a house that's falling apart. And who knows what else.

Month starts out with one of my best friends birthdays. Someone I pretty much grew up with. Known him for 22+ years. Today's his 35th birthday and we can't even celebrate because he got into some trouble. Stupid trouble, stupid situation, all because of alcohol. It's sad, I keep thinking of him on his birthday unable to celebrate with friends and family, unable to wake up or go to sleep when he wants, unable to go where he wants, unable to eat what he wants, or even watch TV or see a movie that he wants. Extremely upsetting and not a thing I can do about it. Happy birthday Rodney, hope to see you again soon...

On the plus side, October is looking to be an AWESOME month, if I make it that far!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Doctor Who

Ok, I seem to have officially gone Doctor Who crazy! I grew up watching Tom Baker as the fourth Doctor Who on PBS back when we only had like channels, 2, 4, 6, 7, 10, 17, 23, 29, 33, 39, 51. And most signed off at night with the national anthem, long time ago, getting old lol. But in those days there wasn't a whole lot to watch that was actually intellectually stimulating and not just mindless dribble like Hee-Haw or Lawrence Welk. At night when the cartoons and muppet style shows were over it was either go to sleep, watch news, or PBS. And it was there I watched Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, the original Twilight Zone and Outer Limits, Dark Shadows, Monty Python and Benny Hill. That right there should explain a lot about how I grew up to have the personality I have, where I think too much and find a joke in everything.

Anyhow, somewhere in the 80's Doctor Who kinda faded away. With the success of Star Wars movies, E.T., Close Encounters, and a million others from Starman to TRON; Doctor Who kinda fell by the wayside. I remember in the '90s, I believe 1996, there was a Doctor Who TV movie with a lot of hype. I believe it was a Sci-Fi channel special or some network maybe. Lots of hype, was excited, thought it was going to make a huge comeback. Sadly though, the movie pretty much sucked. I remember nothing but bits and pieces of it now and will watch it again but that kinda killed Doctor Who for me in my mind it was gone. Hadn't seen it in years and years on TV and all they came back with was a crappy movie, kinda like what happened to Lost in Space.

I knew there was a new series that had started in 2005 but I didn't pay it much mind or intend to watch it. Had no idea if it was even on any of the stations I had at that time. In the last two years I've seen Doctor Who everywhere! Tons of places both online and real life. From stuff sold online at ThinkGeek or Entertainment Earth to real life WalMart or Toys R Us. T-shirts on most of the big shirt sites like JINX. I started to get kinda curious but was like, 777 episodes, 48 years, too much. Seemed kinda overwhelming to even try to check it out now. I know most of the other huge Sci-Fi and Fantasy franchises have, in considerably less time than 48 years, grown to be huge and complicated and involved. I kept thinking about Star Wars or Star Trek or even Lord of the Rings or Stargate. And how many years and all the sub-stories and how involved they've become and figured I'd just skip Doctor Who like I did the new Battlestar Galactica and Firefly and some of the other newer and fairly popular franchises.

Then, Comcast finally pushed our last button so-to-speak and we ditched them. When we switched to DirecTV the stations I was most excited about were Cartoon Network, Disney XD (cause of the new TRON Uprising coming soon), and BBC America. I found myself watching BBCA like nonstop. And then one day I wandered onto an eleventh Doctor episode with Matt Smith. He was popping up and down the stairs through time telling himself what he was doing and giving things to people in the past and taking them out of their pockets in the present and then he saw himself die and fall down the stairs before he even reached the top and I was like whoa OMG this is awesome. Very rarely, in fact, next to never does a time travel type of show or anything like that confuse me. I mean things like the Matrix or Inception or many of the Trek episodes, heck even Back to the Future, none of those kind of things were ever remotely confusing. The what's real what isn't, what happened in what order, and how did this happen back then based on what hasn't happened yet, all that kinda stuff always been easy for me to understand usually before it's ever fully explained. This however was one of the first times I sat there like WTH just happened? Still I think about that episode and it makes no sense. He doesn't know what he's doing until he tells himself to do it and the only way he knows to tell himself what to do is because he's left himself a note that he hasn't even written yet but how'd he know what to write to tell himself what to do if he hasn't done it yet? There's no start. It's the chicken and the egg times infinity. I was hooked immediately.

Since then I went back and started with the new series, season 1 , episode 1, the ninth Doctor and one of my favorites despite him only having like 12 or 14 episodes. I've since watched all the ninth Doctor episodes, about 2/3 of the tenth Doctor and a few random eleventh Doctor episodes and I can say for fact that this show is AMAZING! The stories are so well written. Especially the ones by Russel T. Davies. I think I like Doctor 9 the best than 11 than 10, despite the popularity of the tenth doctor and the amount of episodes he's been in, I just like 9 and 11 more. And it's not the special effects or any of that that makes the show good. The effects are mostly lame with a few CGI backdrops here and there. But the stories are really, really, well written. I've cried through probably 3/4 of them at least. They're so emotional. You really come to realize how alone the Doctor is and every time you start to really like one of his companions or even him, they die, or move on, or he regenerates into a new incarnation, or something happens. The whole point being that time keeps going no matter how good or bad everything else around you gets, time and the universe keep going.

I'd guarantee that anyone I know that likes Sci-Fi, no matter how little or how much, watches the first three episodes with the ninth Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) and you'll be hooked. That's 2005, series 1, episode 1 "Rose", episode 2 "The End of the World, episode 3 "Unquiet Dead". Watch those and tell me you don't LOVE the show at that point.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Brief Update

Haven't blogged in awhile. Life has been pretty unbelievably crazy lately. A lot of it is rather personal and private but this is what I can say.

This year has been nuts. First I had more than a few long lost friends return into my life. Then my dad gave me his 2009 Honda Accord. Then we put the dog to sleep making this the first time in my life I don't own a dog. Then my best friend runs into someone that was able to help me find doctors and help I needed. A great many things have happened since then.

I wish I could elaborate more but the majority of it is in fact too private a matter to discuss here. Suffice to say my entire life has changed within the last 2 to 3 months in particular. July 13th currently stands as the new happiest day of my life so far. I've had little to no time for gaming or facebook stuff due to all the real life things happening. There's been parties, birthdays, conventions, doctors, something every day just about. I almost feel like everything before this year was just a bad dream.

Just within this last week the washer and dryer broke, the ceiling caved in, the bathroom light broke, the cable TV went out leading to another fight with Comcast that then led to us getting DirecTV. We got a fine for too much crap in the back yard. Cat had kittens right in front of us in the middle of all this while it was raining! I mean seriously, it's like wth else can happen right?

As I posted once a week or two ago on facebook; life really is like a roller coaster! Once it gets going there's a lot of ups and downs but mostly it just goes really fast. You can't steer and there's no way to slow it down or speed it up. All you can really do is enjoy the ride, maybe scream, and hope you don't puke along the way. The only thing with me though is that my ups have been like Mt. Everest in the Himalayas and my downs have been like Challenger Deep in the Mariana Trench.

Overall it's been quite a ride and far from over.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Unconventional "Quirky" Workout

So, I'm almost embarrassed to give out my secret since it's kind of... um... quirky. =) But I was at the doctor two days ago and I have now officially lost 15 pounds in 2 months. How? Heh, well, let's start at the beginning.

About 18ish years ago I had my first real encounter with a serious exercise routine that I pieced together from various sources. It was difficult and tedious and boring but it worked. After my years of serious hardcore drugs I had stopped exercising amongst other things. Then I started getting really sick and that went on for nearly a decade. By the time all this ended I was WAY out of shape. As of early 2010 I had gotten to the point where standing up was difficult. Walking to the mailbox wore me out for the rest of the day. Lifting anything was a challenge.

Finally, over the last year I got fed up with a lot of things in my life in a serious way. So I started out just stretching a lot. All the time really. I'd be stopped at a red light and stretch my neck. I'd be drinking something from the fridge and stretch my legs bending them at the knee so that my heel would hit my butt. Little things like that. Then I started some basic exercising through the day. Like doing calf raises while brushing my teeth or curling the gallon of milk once or twice before putting it away.

Luckily there's a good part to having exercised years ago. An old friend of mine who was a fitness freak explained it to me once and I never forgot it, mostly because it made perfect sense. It's easier to build strength, muscle and flexibility back up to where you once were than it is to start from scratch. Works like this from what I understood. Imagine your muscles as 5 strings (just to be simple and make up a number that's way wrong but easier for example). As you exercise those get as big as they can and do as much as they can. Your body then creates more strings per muscle that also get larger and so forth. Now say you're up to 10 little string things and you stop exercising. They lose their size and shrink but you don't go back to 5, there's still gonna be 10. So when you start up again you already have that part going for you, just have to build up what was already there to get back to where you were. Now of course moving further beyond the point you were is again difficult. However, lucky for me, that time 18ish years ago I was in really good shape. I mean my legs were like no body fat and strong. I could walk in 5 inch heels all night and dance and walk some more for 12+ hours without problems. I could run, jump and climb quite well by the mid 1990s. So all I wanted to do was get back to anywhere close to what I was. Which theoretically should not be so difficult.

Ok, so what was my initial problem when starting up actual exercise last year? After I got past the basic stuff again and was able to actually do more than one squat straight to the ground where I would stay lmao. Well, I've changed a LOT in those last 18 years and the same old exercise routine I use to do was not working. I couldn't get motivated to do it and it was boring and tedious and the more I did it the less I wanted to. Which is the exact opposite result I wanted.

So, I decided to look at it in a new light and go in a new direction. I decided to go for what would be fun, what would be cool. What would likely lead to me being able to do things outside of exercising because of exercising...

Well this is what I came up with. And the first person to laugh will get bitch slapped into next week. Started doing this occasionally since last year but got on a 3 times a week minimum schedule just these last 2 months when I realized that I was gaining strength, stamina and flexibility but not losing weight. Since then I have lost 15 pounds.

For aerobics, stamina, speed, I decided the most fun thing is to dance a lot like a maniac. Not just what would be regular dancing but over the top jumping around and stuff like a total nut. This works surprisingly well for few reasons. First off, since it's not a set routine I can do as much or as little as I want for as long or short as I want to whatever music I feel like at the time. That gets me past the boredom and tedium part. Secondly, this is something useful beyond just exercise as it will lead me back into being able to actually dance when and if the situation arises which is more than likely with current events in my life. On average I can get through 3 songs with me in hyper spaz mode. And if I feel like it sometimes I will just find a decent music video and try to copy it like a little kid might or something. Hyper spaz mode is clearly better exercise though lol.

For strength, flexibility, agility, I came up with something... well odd. Even after doing it for months and finding it works, I myself still find it kinda odd. I've been copying combat moves from movies and tv shows. Yes you heard me. All those moves you see and think, "damn that looked cool." That stuff, for the record, is NOT easy! In fact, the first many times I attempt something new I can't even get it right once lol. What moves, what movies? You name it, Sucker Punch just got added to the line up, Milla Jovovich as both Alice from Resident Evil and Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat (yes I felt the need to type her full name!) from Fifth Element, Scarlett Johanssen as Natasha Romonoff a.k.a. Black Widow Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. from Iron Man 2, Olivia Wilde as Quorra in TRON Legacy, Ashley Scott as Helena Kyle a.k.a. Huntress from Birds of Prey, and a whole lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Laugh if you want but let me tell you, you jump off of something and try to do either the Sucker Punch landing, the Quorra in the End of Line Club landing or the Black Widow pseudo split during that big fight scene in IM2. Then once you get it right do it again 20 times and tell me that don't make your muscles scream, "oh shit!" Then follow that up with anything involving a katana. I actually own several dozen weapons including a katana, a real one not a plastic prop piece of crap. By real I mean heavy as hell, ivory and gold and sharp enough to screw yourself up if you aren't careful. Great way to lose that flabby bottom of upper arms. Swing that shit around a few times. Nunchaku are also great upper body exercise. And I happen to actually be proficient with them, was trained by a friend like 15 years ago, have had them about 25 years though. Then get some throwing knives, lots of them. After you have some heavy enough weapons go look up or learn what a kata is and memorize a few or do like I have done and make some up based on the above movies. Personally, I made up a few little routines based off the movies since the film's editing ruins a full fight scene most the time. I went not for what made sense as a martial arts move, or for defense or whatever one might normally learn and went for the moves I thought looked coolest.

Which brings me to the next part. Like the dancing this will eventually pay off beyond exercise. When? Future conventions and stuff of course! I fully intend to pwn the costume contest next year at Florida Supercon, mark my words. I didn't watch the actual contest live while I was there but have watched the vids and seen the pics of this year's and last year's. There's one common flaw with 99% of the cosplay costume contest entries I have seen. Even some of the ones with the best costumes fall into this 99%. They don't act! There's almost no roleplay and the little I've seen is poorly done or otherwise lame. There was a really amazing Wolverine & Phoenix combo I saw for the 2010 one where they looked the part and had the poses and attitude but clearly only for a second for the pics because you can see them elsewhere in costume and out of character! To me this is blasphemy. I am a firm believer in people staying in character if they're in costume. Also strongly believe that people should not try to cosplay a character that they don't fit. For example, I would never do Baby Doll from Sucker Punch because I'm way too tall, and just not shaped right. Now, I could do Sweet Pea and probably even Rocket with a wig. Anyhow, I've rambled off topic as usual.

I guess that brings me to the end. I usually have some kind of ending to my posts but not sure what to say here. I kinda went off on a random cosplay tangent and then sort of just finished. Short of it is, dancing around like a damn spaz, usually to Madonna, combined with mimicking super hero moves from movies and tv shows has led to me losing 15 pounds in 2 months. Take it however you want and laugh at my absurd quirky methods but the facts and results speak for themselves if you ask me.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

The World Ended an Hour Ago?

So many things I can say about this, both funny and true.

First off, what was this even based on? I mean this is at least the fourth time in my lifetime that I'm aware of that the world was supposed to end. Ever hear of the boy that cried wolf or chicken little? When and if it ever happens no one will be ready. Not only because people are usually just not prepared for anything, but because so many people have cried wolf so many times throughout history.

Secondly, how would you know if the world was ending? Seriously, every belief, religion, and individual has their own idea of how the end will come. Most just assume it's gonna be some huge thing that will be blindingly obvious and everyone will just know immediately. But the world is ending. The world has been ending since it's creation, it's just how the universe and everything in it works. From the very first second of everything, whether you believe in a big bang, or a deity, from the very first nano second of existence everyone and everything has been heading towards the end. It's called time. You can only be headed towards the end. Unless someone's invented time travel which I'm unaware of.

Here's a thought. Maybe it did end? Maybe the world ended hundreds, thousands, millions even billions of years ago and this is hell? Can you prove that it isn't? Seriously, prove to me that this isn't hell. You can't!

I saw no earthquakes, no birds or snakes, and rumor has it that Lenny Bruce was indeed afraid!

So, let's say the world hasn't ended. Let's say, it's going to end next year (lol). Well, yeah, ok, so? What exactly is anyone going to do about it? Can't stop it. And exactly how do you prepare for the end of the world? Clean underwear and a flashlight ain't gonna do a whole lot. I mean do you make sure to pee before it happens? What exactly is anyone expected to do in preparation for such an event? Personally, I was playing FarmVille when the world ended this time. And will likely be raiding in some MMO if it ever really does happen.

On a related note, a volcano has erupted in Iceland today causing something like 50 small earthquakes... wait... what? um... birds, snakes? Who is Lenny Bruce anyway?!? O.o

Thursday, May 19, 2011

REVIEW - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (NO SPOILERS)

I wanted to post this a few days ago but between exhaustion and lack of what to really say I am only just now getting to this.

IMDB Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

The fourth in Disney's Pirates movies. I managed to be lucky enough to see this on Tues. May 17, 2011, 3 days before release. A friend of mine got us in with the press.

Lots of strange happenings and going ons before the movie which I'd love to get into but for the most part you had to really be there to appreciate the amount of weird in the air that night. Let's just say between "free popcorn lady", "dragonball z lady", and some screaming pirates in VERY nice outfits, it was certainly, um, memorable. lol

Now, for the movie, hard to say a lot without ruining the story. I will say this though, sadly, it was my least favorite of the four movies. Yes, it was still hilarious. Yes it is worth seeing if you are a fan of these movies or Johnny Depp. Yes, Johnny Depp in IMAX 3D is awesome. My friend described my blabbering description of the movie as me attempting to say it was too linear. There was basically one story the whole movie and no subplots or diversity to the story. It had much less special effects and much less of an overall magical feel than the previous movies.

And they got rid of far too many of the old cast. Not only is there no Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and no Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley) but all the old characters were basically gone. There was of course no Davy Jones, no Norrington, no Weatherby Swan, no Bootstrap, or Tia Dalma (the voodoo lady), or the two funny guys the skinny one with the wooden eye that knew everything or his chubby goofy partner, whatever their names were. What your left with is basically, Capt. Jack Sparrow (Jonny Depp) and his first mate Joshamee Gibbs (Kevin McNally), Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and his British crew, Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and his first mate Angelica (Penelope Cruz). All basically doing the same thing heading the same way. And there is also a Spanish fleet that you see for maybe five minutes total in the movie.

It had a few exciting scenes but all-in-all it was kind of boring compared to all three other Pirates movies. That's not to say that the few exciting scenes aren't good.

Also, the 3D effect was not used as much as it could've been. I mean it didn't have the same kind of 3D awesomeness as say TRON Legacy. Can only even think of two very short scenes that really used the 3D effect for more than just for background depth.

Overall I'd say it was still a good movie, just not as good as the first three. But still far better than most movies out there. Worth seeing. Not necessarily a "must see in 3D" type of movie. Am pretty sure the 2D version of this would've been just as good.

One last little word on the strange occurrences prior to the movie. I don't know if it was a full moon or if these are regular people to the early premier movie showings or what the deal was but man there was some, odd people there. The screaming pirates were the more normal ones. Very unique crowd. As for those pirates, they had some awesome costumes. Clearly they spent hundreds if not thousands some of them. Very impressive, and yet annoying to me that the one time I go to a movie without some kind of cosplay larp thing going on and there's tons of people dressed up! I mean seriously, where are these people when I go dressed up to movies like TRON or Star Wars or Star Trek or the upcoming several superhero movies? Dangit! lmao

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pet Peeve #153:'s Order "Text Trace"

Ok, I usually don't put any one specific company, brand, item or service in these lists but this one is so annoyingly idiotic that it's the first of it's kind to make it on one of my random lists.

"Text Trace" is a function provided to functions through their account settings that allows you to receive text messages on you phone to update you on the status of you shipment.

Their site describes it as such:
Sign-up for Text Trace and we'll send you an SMS text message between 10 AM and 11 PM Eastern time when your package is out for delivery, is delivered or when there is a delivery exception. Standard text messaging rates apply, please contact your carrier for details.

Sounds good in theory. IF IT EVER DID WHAT THEY SAY IT DOES! I just received a message today at 3pm EST to inform me that my package was delivered. My package that the postal service left at my door at 10:30am EST YESTERDAY! If I relied on this thing to check it someone would've stolen my crap before I got to it or it would've been rained on or any number of other bad things could've happened.

I'm just like, why offer this service if it doesn't even come close to doing what it's supposed to do? And not like what it's supposed to do is so super complicated. Seriously, where in the chain of events is the weak link that makes this totally useless?


Friday, May 13, 2011

Pet Peeve #88: "Regular" & "Original" Are Neither Flavors Nor Fragrances!

It's bad enough these days when you try to buy things they claim to smell like a "Moonlit Walk" or "Spring Meadow" which makes no sense. I can tell you of many "Moonlit Walks" on South Beach and they smelled like alcohol, gasoline and urine.

But seriously, regular and original don't even elicit mental images of anything that might smell or taste like anything! Doesn't matter what it is, toothpaste, deodorant, air fresheners, soap or detergent, candy, cold medicine, vitamins, whatever.

Personally when I go to buy something in which the odor is a significant factor I would like to have fragrances that I know what they mean! I remember as a child things were scented like rose, gardenia, jasmine, musk, orange, chocolate, coffee, something I know right away what to expect. And while these new creative names are vague to say the least they are still better than original or regular.

Is it too hard for a toothpaste or mouthwash company to say mint? I mean seriously, you have cinnamon, spearmint, and "original"?!? w t f.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I Didn't Want to Like This Song!

Britney Spears - If U Seek Amy

Curse it all! I can't get it out of my head for nearly a week now! I REALLY did NOT want to like any of her music now. It's not really her I guess it's more the like 6 people that wrote the song. Stupid thing is catchy with the whole word play thing.

I Need A Banner!

It has come to my attention as of a minute ago that I don't actually have a banner on any of my sites. I have individual banners for different game pages in the game area. And I have my old logo that I've used for years which I like but am starting to get sick of, especially since the graphics it uses from EverQuest are so old that it looks kinda crappy even though it's at the highest quality for that image. I need to come up with something new for that too. I just don't know where to begin. So many pics and images of wolves and moons but I don't want to use someone else's and it's hard to come up with an original when there's billions out there already.

But, regardless of the logo problem I have no banner. I don't know how this seemingly obvious point slipped past my attention. Going to have to come up with something that works for both gaming and real life and somehow encompasses all major aspects of that which is me without being a cluttered mess. With a banner though I'm going to need an actual site and blog name. Currently I just have my game names and such as a title but no official title for the site so to speak. I've used the name Moonwolf Landing several times in games to identify things from my Cafe in Cafe World to cities in Sim City to space stations and various other things. I "could" use that for my official site name instead of the pages just saying "Krysta's Webpage(s)" or some crap.

This requires more thought. If anyone bothers to read this and has any suggestions for a name or submissions for a banner image or any good wolf or moon pic designs please feel free to submit them somehow either in comments or though any of the other contact and social media links.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Not "That" Long Biography of My Mom.

My mom's old publicity photo from when she was an opera singer.

Born February 28, 1943 she had me at age 30. Originally an opera singer. A good one too. Most notably she won multiple awards for being number one best or whatever the top award is called from the Greater Miami Opera Guild (yes to my gamer friends, my mom was in a guild for real rofl).

During her early opera years she also maintained a job working for Stembridge Furniture as basically their only office person. And also McKinney Lumber (where my Grandad had worked previously) as their only secretary / office person.

She performed with many great opera celebrities including Luciano Pavarotti which she has pictures with on stage somewhere but I couldn't locate those right now.

Voice type:
col·o·ra·tu·ra   [kuhl-er-uh-toor-uh, -tyoor-uh, kol-, kohl-]
a lyric soprano of high range who specializes in such music.

In 1973 obviously she had me, duh. As a small child I spent 99% of my time with my mom and almost never my dad. When I watched TV as a child it was with my mom and it was her shows, Star Trek, Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Night Gallery, The Night Stalker. And then eventually Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, Wonder Woman, Six Million Dollar Man, The Incredible Hulk, etc.

A HUGE Disney fan to this day, in my youth we would go to Disney World at least once a year and often times as much as 4 or 5 times a year for at least one week each time sometimes several weeks.

Sometime in the '70's my mom got me one of the original Coleco game systems. NOT the Colecovision. Before that. It was a LARGE black and silver plastic monstrosity made by Coleco. In the middle it has a big old knob like dial that you turned to select one of about six versions of Pong. Like regular style Pong, and the racquestball version and the 2 paddle version and so forth. And then it had 3 shooting games. It had no controller or joystick. It had 2 "paddle controllers". Those are the boxes with the one dial you turned left and right to move the paddle up and down or left and right depending on the game. Those could be mounted right on the "console" (I use that term loosely for this thing hehe) or you could use long adapter cords to hook them to console. It also oddly enough sported a light gun. It had like skeet shoot and target practice and some other one. Basically involved shooting a giant white box on a black screen and the white box would move around in different ways depending on which of the 3 gun games you selected. Biggest issue with this thing was connecting it with the old school RF switch adapter and the two wires that would go under the antenna screws. Then came the challenge of attempting to get the horizontal and vertical hold set right so that the picture wouldn't just keep flipping left to right or bottom to top or whatnot. For the youngins, back then TV's did not automatically center on the screen the image it was supposed to be displaying regardless of the input source. Point here is that my mom bought it for me and it was her idea to get it not mine. And she played it as much if not more than me.

From that point she bought me the Atari 2600. Had that one through nearly all of elementary and into junior high. My mom and I spent countless hours all night and day playing with or against each other in everything from Joust to Donkey Kong, Centipede, Pac-Man, Bowling, Barnstorming, Air Sea Land, Combat, and hundreds of others.

In my early teen years she quit singing opera and doing operas professionally and got a job with the City of North Miami Motor Pool as their only secretary. Although she still sang select arias from operas such as Lucia di Lammermoor and Die Fledermaus as well as various "pop" songs from the 1940's - 1980's transcribed and arranged to be more operatic and suitable for her voice. Sadly though she only performed during these years for seniors at various condos up and down the Florida coast as well as the occasional concert at one of the band shells that have all long since been torn down. And every now and then something else would come along as well that she might do for a friend or one night thing.

It was sometime during the 1980's when she separated from my dad. It was nearly another decade after that when they finally officially got divorced, though they still remain friends till this day and talk nearly every day and we all go out to eat every week or two, though it turns into chaos before it's over.

Around this point, think it was maybe '84 or so she bought me the good old NES. The original 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. I spent years mapping every tree, rock and square of sand in Zelda and every wall, room, square and enemy in Metroid. While I still played things like Super Mario Bros. and Kid Icarus with my mom, alternating turns where I'd play for an hour and a half on one life then die then she's come play for 5 mins and die. That plus games like Castlevania, Final Fantasy, and Wizardry though kinda brought me into the single player RPG type games and not as much gaming with her anymore.

During these years though we still both were HUGE Sci-Fi and Fantasy fans. Did comic and sci-fi conventions, movie opening nights, and all that kinda stuff with her for a few years.

As a side note, all through these years from before she met my dad, when she was just a kid, through him and on through the next 2 boyfriends; my mom's other MAJOR hobby was bowling (my dad too, he was WAY better more about that next father's day). My mom did at least 1 league type bowling night a week and usually one more on a week day morning. For awhile she did the doubles thing with my dad and then later with each of her boyfriends. And she did weekend tournaments that had her traveling around Florida and crap.

And in the middle of all this she also was and still is a freak for fishing. I use to get dragged along with her and my dad or just her or her and one of the boyfriends. Piers, drift boats, Islamoroda, all up and down the Florida Keys and stuff like every weekend if she didn't have a bowling tourney. For the record, I HATE fishing! Hate the sun, hate the smell of fish and sea water, loathe the entire concept of bait, don't like the killing of the fish, don't like the boringness of the entire event, and those hooks are insanely dangerous. The whole thing is like a nightmare to me. Thank the goddess for hand held games.

Towards the late 80's she ended up with a boyfriend that worked at the City of North Miami's Parks and Recreation Department. He, however, was a Vietnam Vet and had many mental issues besides being an alcoholic and a pot head. I still can't even begin to fathom how my mom ended up with him when she's never done any drugs and can't handle alcohol at all and can't stand smoke and never did cigarettes or anything like that.

By the end of the 1980's I had hit the teen years and was gaming on Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo, and Gameboy, and doing the book, dice, pen and paper style RPG's with friends. My mom and I spent very little time together as she changed greatly during these years.

Somehow between those years of around '87 - '92 she changed a LOT, and not for the better. Suddenly instead of the outgoing, happy, VERY friendly polite opera singer who played games and liked Sci-Fi and Fantasy and just movies and music and anything fun, I now had someone else for a mom. It was like aliens abducted her. She no longer sang professionally but she stopped singing around the house and in the car and everything completely. Started watching crime dramas and saying Sci-Fi and Fantasy she grew up with from long before I was even born was all stupid nonsense suddenly. She started to refuse to play games. She wanted nothing to do with technology or knowledge of gadgets or anything she use to like that she taught me to like when growing up. So now she hated all the things I liked that I only liked cause she got me liking them when I was younger!

It went beyond that though. She quit answering the phone all together. Had NO friends but her boyfriend at that point. HATED people and spent all day and night talking about how much she hated everyone and how she wanted to just move into a shack in the woods with no phone or electricity where no one can ever find her.

After several years doing secretary for the City of North Miami she moved over to the North Miami Police Department and eventually rose to the position of records supervisor. She spent a total of approx. 2 decades working for the City of North Miami before moving on.

While working at the Motor Pool she met her next and last boyfriend, a mechanic. He worked on the garbage trucks and police cars and such. Nearly 7 feet tall and weighing close to 400 pounds this massive missing link prehistoric barbarian of a human was a total asshole. He was nice to her but tried to sleep with my friends and stuff. Major creep.

Amongst other things that this ass did which was insane were several instances of him with his gun, yes a licensed concealed weapon revolver, my mom had one too cause he made her get it, chasing me and my friends at high speeds in car chases with both of them hanging out the windows waving their guns at me while I drove like Grand Theft Auto through there and my friends ducked to the floor to avoid being shot. Crazy times. He had her under total mind control.

Kind of a good / bad thing that happened was that this boyfriend convinced her to spend a LOT of money she really couldn't afford to to buy a 40 foot camper / trailer. The kind you tow not the motorized kind. We traveled most of the States east of the Mississippi River and all the way north up into Canada. However, by these years my Crohn's disease was starting to get out of control and I spent the majority of most of these trips puking and crashed out in the trailer while they went off wherever. I did however get to see everything from D.C. to NY NY to Niagra Falls. But, it was with HIM and my new altered pseudo mom person.

With the start of the 1990's came my mom's move into retail part time after the Police Department job and on weekends and then as the main thing after leaving the Police Dept. Mervyn's Dept. Store, Eckerd's Drugstore, Marshalls Retail Store (2 different ones). And that was it for that. All-in-all the retail thing lasted about 15 years.

After leaving the Police Department the retail jobs became the main full time and she got another part time job doing security for an event staff company guarding the Marlins, Dolphins, Panthers, Heat, celebrities, concerts, grand openings, the circus, and any major entertainment event. Upon quitting retail this became the primary job she still wastes her time with today. Granted she gets to see and sometimes meet many celebrities but the job is run by idiots, poorly done, unprofessional, pays nowhere even close to what she should be getting as a Florida State Licensed Security Guard. But she's changed so much and hates everyone and everything and is just too blind to realize how crappy that situation is when she could do better.

Around 2k she started getting senile and Alzheimer's like her mom, my grandma. She of course refuses to get help or even mention it to anyone because she has no clue it's going on. She does not understand the things she does that are wrong are in fact wrong even after explaining it repeatedly. She'll be fine, smart, alert, etc. for days, week(s) even sometimes. Then, out of the blue, I'll find her in just a bra and panties outside at 4am banging bbq tongs into a can of gas used for the bbq grill like a dinner bell to call the neighborhood cats to feed them claiming they wouldn't come and eat unless she used the "clanger" despite the fact I was trying to explain to her about if there's a spark it will explode and she'll be blown up in a pile of cats outside with nothing but a bra and panties and how the hell am I supposed to explain that to anyone? But she still didn't get the concept that any part of what she was doing was in any way incorrect.

And I think that about covers everything up until today. If I can think of anything else I'll come back and add it later cause I kinda wanna keep this now that I finally got to write it all out at 4am after being up 2+ days straight now when I should totally be asleep lol.

Signs That You Might Be Insane #3

Should you find yourself making blog posts with tips and ideas that are part of lists that don't actually exist and are numbered in absolutely no order based off random numbers that popped into your head at the time then you most definitely have mental issues...

*disclaimer* any tips, ideas or lists in this blog that are numbered do not represent any actual numbers or numbered lists. Any similarities to actual lists or numbers are purely coincidental...

Signs That You Might Be Insane #26

If you spend more than half an hour on the toilet trying to think of words that rhyme with toilet then you may require psychological therapy.

How To Tell You're Stoned. Tip #8

If it's past midnight and instead of going to sleep you go out of your way to login to facebook specifically so you can "Like" Chicken McNuggets then it's a good bet that you are stoned!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Obama vs. Osama

Figured for the sake of history or something I should at least mention this though it has no direct impact on my life honestly.

Osama Bin Laden is officially dead.

Killed during a raid in an epic battle... Or so says the news.

Of course I'm happy he's dead. But only a small amount of people saw him dead and they dumped him in the ocean pretty quick. I am not 100% sure I believe it. Trust no one. I also seriously doubt that there's any proof short of me seeing his dead body that would make me believe it 100%. I hope it's true though, if that counts for anything.

I've heard the news, I've read the tweets and posts, it does seem highly likely that he really is dead. Either which way, even if he wasn't, the world believes he is and that's what matters I guess. Because he was an icon or symbol to the terrorists after getting away with 9/11. So as long as Osama as a symbol to them is destroyed then whether or not it really was him becomes not as important. In the end, the U.S. won.

Note above what I said there... The U.S. won. Not Obama. Well trained soldiers risking their lives are why it happened successfully. A friend on facebook posted earlier that this is a win for America NOT Obama. I have nothing against Obama personally, I have nothing for him either. I honestly could care less about the man. But I agree completely this is a win for America not Obama. People need to get that through their heads.

And that's really all I have to say about the whole thing. I'm like less of a "Yay! He's dead!" person and more of a "Yay! We won!" type of a person ya know?

Past, Present, and Future Combine

Well, this has without doubt been a very eventful year on many fronts. From my online gaming life to my real life and everything else along the way. Where to begin on the latest episode...

Let's recap briefly. So far in the last weeks / month I've had the bad, having to put my dog to sleep after 15ish years, having to help and practically take my mom's test for work over several days of hell and problems, fights with Comcast resulting in my no longer getting many stations, stress has caused some medical flare ups here and there. Been broke and poor to the point of having at least one financial crisis this month thanks to my mom again. Multitude of other little things along the way from my cel phone shorting out and shutting off to other various things breaking and not working like the toilet seat. All-in-all several bad things of varying... badness.

The good. Well, sadly mostly online and game stuff. Portal 2 finally released, greatest game ever! 3DS out and got a couple games, amazing device. EverQuest 12th anniversary celebration probably should be under the bad since I never finished that one main quest after weeks and months of trying. Hung out with a couple friends one of which I had not seen in some time, was kinda cool. And of course, my car, my dad gave me his 2009 Honda Accord EX-L V6 with everything. Lots of good, makes for a balance between the extreme good and bad so far these last few months.

Then came Saturday, April 30th. I had recently, specifically the last 2 days, had friends on facebook with birthdays. This had me thinking about my own that is coming early June. I always make resolutions 3x a year, my bday, Samhain, and New Year's Eve. The story behind why is involved and irrelevant to my point. Anyhow, I always make small ones, baby steps, things I am likely to not fail or quit. For example, one year I decided to make the resolution to drink only low fat milk instead of whole milk. Yes, things that lame. So, I was thinking how old I am and how far I am from succeeding at anything I ever wanted to do thanks to my life sucking and massive amounts of medical issues and related problems. So, I figured, this year I'm gonna make a huge resolution or two. I was still unsure of what but I had decided that as of my birthday this year I was gonna make some major changes in my life. Try to fix things that bother me and make things right and different and all that. Was quite motivated but unsure of what I was going to do specifically. Was thinking about it all day on Saturday while doing stuff around the house and getting ready to leave to go to my dad's. Right as I was getting ready to leave, my mom, who was in the other room cleaning suddenly comes banging on the wall to tell me my friend Rodney is here, at my door. I was like whoa, what!?! How very weird that I was wanting something majorly different to happen and right the he shows up, out of the blue.

About Rodney. You have to understand that this guy and I were great friends, best friends growing up for many years. I did many of my first drugs and other experiences with him and we went though more than most people could ever fathom or imagine in a million years. Around 1997 he had moved and he came back then moved and I had lost touch with him. See around that same time I cut ties with all my old friends and joined some new friends and groups because I wanted to bury the problems of my past. So when he returned a few years later we had lost touch. Nearly a decade had passed when about 2008ish he came back. He was here maybe a month or two, we hung out, it was great. Then he vanished again. In 2009 he returned but only for a few days were we in touch that time. I had a lot going on and he was not here long. I saw him maybe twice before he said he was leaving for a job in Seattle and would see me in a few years. And just like that he was gone again. Then he shows up Saturday, no warning. So I've only seen him maybe 4 or 5 times in the last 14 years and not at all in like 2 years.

Now, another good thing to know about him is that he's always been the life of the party. He always manged to find everyone and get people together. He kept us all going by finding any crazy thing you could think of so we would have something to do. Too many old insane stories to tell and frankly several of them would strike terror into the average person so I won't get into that in this post. So, naturally, being mister social he was already on the way to a bbq with several of our old friends none of which I have seen in 15+ years. I had to continue on to get my mom her meds and to visit my dad so I did not go. However, I got to talk to one of them on the phone later and it was cool. I hadn't spoken to her in many years and we were also very good friends. I've always kinda thought of Val like the female version of Rodney when it comes to her personality. Another person that you feel instantly comfortable with and can do anything with or say anything to cause they both just like to have fun. Up to this point this was all cool and fun and exciting and good news.

This is where things go sour. Sunday, after some sleep and thought I figured lemme see who out of these friends I could track down online. I knew Rodney himself was far from knowledgeable about anything high tech or pc related. But his girlfriend has a mac so figured maybe he at least has a facebook page, I knew his brother did. Well, I didn't find one, but I found his brother, Randy. I thought wow, cool. Yet I felt kinda hesitant to friend him. I'm not the same person these people knew 15 years ago. I have changed so much. I've been code blue 3x, had 13 operations, been hardcore crack addict $1k/day, robbed, done every drug imaginable, broke many laws, did a variety of unspeakable acts. We were all insane back then, we did all sorts of outrageous, unreal things. Now, 12 years of online gaming, disability, medical issues, life issues, physical, mental and emotional issues. From years of avoiding going out due to medical apparatuses and things causing me public embarrassment and such I ended up being somewhat of a neurotic agoraphobe. Despite the fact that I am free of any medical thing and for all intense purposes appear healthy and normal, I still retain several social anxiety issues. Sure, online I'm miss friendly. Someone once referred to me as the "social butterfly of EverQuest". But, in real life. It's like Codex said in one of The Guild episodes, "Sure there's a lot of drama in game, but at the end of the day you can always just logoff. You can't logoff from real life."

Well, it gets worse. Without friending I was still able to see Randy's (Rodney's brother's) friends list. And on there I saw Val. Didn't know her married name but I knew it was her based on the crazy profile pic of a traffic sign saying crazy things. Anyway, I checked out her profile and found on her friends list one other friend I use to know, Marla. I was like wow, since I never even realized that Val and Marla even knew each other. Oddly, no one else we use to know or other mutual friends were on any of their lists. So I went to Marla's friends list and found yet another old friend, April. I was like oh wow at this point, cause I had searched for these people for years and found nothing. And now they were all popping up so easy, right here, in my virtual world, on facebook, like as if they were standing right in front of me the whole time. This is the part that sucked though. On April's friends list was a name I care not to repeat and hoped to never see again. My ex. The one I never got over. The one I was supposed to have been engaged to. The one I was supposed to have had a Wiccan handfasting (marriage) to that apparently only meant anything to me. There, happy, on facebook, smiling, and married, to someone that isn't me. After years of thinking this was all behind me, that I hadn't run into any of them, that I couldn't even find them when I tried. I had figured at this point I'd never see or hear from or know anything about any of them again. Had a knot form in my chest, felt sickened at their happiness. Felt violent almost. A bit light headed even faint. The gamer in me kept thinking things like headshot and nuke their ass and kill, kill, kill lol. But the rest of me was just like wow, I can't believe I found them that easy right there all the time and they're all so happy looking and gah... yeah... hmmph.

So, now after some time and thought it's become less about my ex and more about the fact that a large part of me wants to contact the others but I have no idea what to say. And moreover, I'm not sure if I want that decade of my life to have any connection to this decade of my life. And, everyone's doing better than me... I mean, some married, some have kids, all making money, at least one teacher, most actually got through college finally, all seem happy. Me, did not finish college, am disabled, have no money, live at my mom's, and have a life that revolves around EverQuest raids and Cafe World catering orders and feeding my cats. When I'm not gaming online I'm gaming offline and when I'm not gaming on my pc I'm gaming on the 3DS. I mean their biggest successes involve family, degrees, and wealth. My biggest successes involve loot chests, raid gear, and 2 blogs that no one reads but me.

And there it is, here I am, that's the story. What the shit do I do now? I wanted a huge change. I missed my past. I dislike my current life. And now I got a huge change, I got a chance to reconnect to a large portion of my past that I was sure was gone forever. But, my life is the suck and there's no playing it off or pretending that it's anything less that uber craptastic. Do I go for it, leap into 15 years ago, old friends, old stories, other things not appropriate for this blog post, etc.? Or do I push it all away, avoid them all and bury the past even more than it was?

My friend Norma summed it up best today on the phone when she said, "Be careful what you wish for." Seriously, no shit. I wished for this, but I never expected it to happen just like that! Now I'm like, do I really want it? And I'm scared. I'm scared being around these people will bring back memories and feelings and lure me into a path I do not wish to go down. When I hung out with them, as mentioned above, I was a terror. I was a danger to myself and everyone and everything around me. There's a reason I quit everything and cut all ties with everyone in 1997. BUT, have they changed? That's the thing. Would it be so bad? Maybe everyone else has changed enough that I can be around them and still be the me of now and not the me of then. Problem with that is there's no way to know until after it's happened. And if not then it's too late cause I will have made that connection and knowing that life is always right there so close could be too tempting to resist. Or should I just dive in and become the terror I once was? Should I just go for it and party out as much as possible and just say screw it all? I tried tonight to bury myself back in EverQuest and Cafe World and it didn't work, this whole situation haunts my thoughts and weighs on my mind heavily.

My life has been stagnant for years. I've had basically 4 friends that weren't online that were actual people I could go hang out with for the past roughly 10 years. I haven't had a serious relationship since, well, hmmmph... it was like 1994, yeah, I know. But, it's been safe. Safe from rejection, safe from stress or situations that I didn't wanna be in. Safe from the many things that could go wrong and the many wrongs I could do. Maybe the change is good? I kinda fear change. I'm OCD, I'm possibly a bit insane, clearly have social anxiety issues, possibly a bit neurotic and agoraphobic, I like things unchanged even if they suck it beats them getting worse. I am not a pessimist I'm a realist. I don't claim everything is negative I am going on proven fact of past experiences that most everything is negative. Then if things go right I can just be happy about it. Less chance of being let down.

At this point you may think I'm just rambling. But this is in fact my brain going through the process of figuring out what the hell I should do about finding friends and a past that I long searched for and missed and now don't think I can handle dealing with since it took so long to find them in the first place.

Not sure what's gonna happen next. Not sure how to feel or what to think. What I do know is Rodney and Val are two of my closest friends I knew for years and we went through some crazy times together and we three at the very least will have no problem hanging out and hitting it off again like as if no time had passed. The others though, those I mentioned and several I did not, I just don't know. But, I'm invited to a bbq at Rodney's in two weeks. I will definitely go, I wouldn't miss it because of Rodney. That and the fact that he is only living like 5 minutes away. But how that goes, how I feel around the others talking about things I wanted to forget and people I don't want to think about. How well that past integrates into my current life is still a mystery at this point.

And then here I am like most of the cast of The Guild all I can think is what about raids? I mean I have raids 5 nights a week. And there's other gaming stuff. I mean ok, so it seems lame when you explain the whole online gaming life to regular people. But, that's what I do. It's my life. And for what it's worth I'm damn good at it! I have gaming obligations! Without those I'd have nothing. It's the only thing I have to plan the rest of my life around. The closest I come to a job or family. Yes, it's sad, but it is what it is, I am who I am. /sigh

Despite my 1337 (leet) gaming skillz (yes the z is intentional), and despite all the insane stuff I did and went through in the 90's; I feel like someone hit the reset button the game of life and set my ass back to n00b status.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Like, OWWW! What The Heck?!?

So, I'm laughing about this now, but it was not so funny about an hour ago.

First off, I have osteoarthritis from taking prednisone and other medications for far too long to control my Crohn's disease. On top of my joints hurting and not always, uh, working right... (like they get stuck sometimes and creek and crack like always) I also tend to um, twitch sometimes. Not bad or anything, maybe once every other day it happens. Not sure if twitch is the best word. For example, I'll reach towards a drink to pick it up and when I start to reach my arm jerks forward at like ten times the speed I had intended causing me to knock the drink halfway across the room.

Well, so I was laying down and had an itch in the inner corner part of my right eye. So I took my glasses off with my left hand and attempted to scratch it with my right. That is so seriously not what ended up happening though lol. My muscles decided to twitch, my right elbow got like stuck, like locked, then cracked rather loudly and painfully and bam my hand flew rapidly towards my eye missing completely and smacking myself in the nose, hard. Next thing that happened could best be described as a yelp! Had a sharp pinching pain in my nose then my left eye watered up insanely out of control and I started chain sneezing, like I didn't have enough happening at that point I needed to start sneezing. By the 5th or 6th sneeze, with one eye freaking out and my nose hurting like crazy and tears running down my face I was huffing and puffing and just stunned and dazed and worn out. Was convinced for a bit that I managed to break my own nose rofl. That was quite the ordeal I must say.

Been about an hour maybe an hour and a half now and I seem to be fine again. Nose kinda sore but I'm not sneezing anymore and my eye quit watering. Although if I grab my nose and move it side to side my eye starts to water again, so yeah I probably shouldn't do that huh? lmao I'm having a total airhead moment right now. Just laughing at my own idiocy right now. I should sleep probably.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Week From Hell Recap

Well, I'm still burnt out from stress and emotional chaos. Woke up about an hour ago after roughly 20 hours of sleep. And I'm just about ready to go back to sleep after I finish typing this.

Began last Sunday. My mom was required by her job to take an 8+ hour test online in order to continue working at this awful part time nightmare of a job that she should've quit by now anyway. Problem with is is several things. She does not own a computer. She will not use mine because it's "too dark and uncomfortable" for her, whatever that means. So, that leaves my dad's house. Next issue, my dad, like me has OCD and has to do everything a certain way. My mom, does not. Well, after several hours of arguing in circles about the light and the chair (you don't want to know) my mom finally got online. Enter the next problem, she couldn't login to the test on the website with the information she was given from work. We spent 3+ hours and could not even get her logged in. It said her username and pw were wrong when we entered it. She tried to register new and it said she couldn't because she already had an account. We tried retrieve lost pw and login and they sent it. We re-entered it like it said and it still said it was wrong. And of course being Sunday there was no one to help. This day ended with us having dinner and fighting for a few more hours over everything and anything imaginable. Mostly because my mom was convinced that her inability to login was somehow my fault or my dad's pc, which is was neither.

Then came Monday. This day involved my mom going to the doctor to discover she has super high off the chart cholesterol and is severely anemic again and the doctor wants her to check into the hospital, which is clearly not going to happen.

Tuesday, Judgement Day... The day the original Terminator movie declared as the day Skynet went live and the machines took over and launched the first attack on the humans. How fitting. We had to put the dog to sleep today. I'm very much not over this yet. My mom's dog (technically) but still was part of the family for 15ish years. Her name was Snuggles. We got her at the Humane Society where they told us she was a Chow. She was not. Well, maybe half? And half German Shepherd. Yeah, she got huge, well over 120 pounds, massive dog you could just about ride like a horse. But she was just a big dumb retarded bear. Yes, retarded. They said when we got her that she had had distemper. I'm not sure what that means honestly but we were told that affects their personality and behavior. Yeah, it does. This dog use to lick the air, walk backwards, breathe like she was hyperventilating all the time, she was quite odd. But, after all 13 of my operations and every long hospital trip my mom would pick me up and the first one to greet me at the door would be Snuggles, every time. Walking around past where she use to lay and eat and stuff is still...disturbing. Anyhow, my mom had a mobile vet come by. They arrived in a huge truck with 2 cars, 4 nurses and the doctor. Seemed like a bit much to me but idk. Doctor gave her something so she fell asleep slowly over 10 mins or so and then gave her another shot after that and well yeah... My mom was a mess, I was a mess, the stupid lawnman was there and even he was upset. If only the week had ended there.

Wednesday, day two of the test. My mom and I returned to my dad's house to attempt this yet again. This time, it let her log right in. I kept telling her see, they fixed it. Cause she called on Monday and they tried to say it was something on our end, but suddenly it was working. Another one of those they fixed something and don't want to admit to anything having been wrong things. I've had that happen to me several times myself on many sites and programs. Anyway, needless to say my mom was still convinced that somehow I caused the problems. Well, every time I tried to leave the room, go out to watch tv with my dad or anything, within a matter of seconds my mom would call me back. Issue one was she was refusing to use the mouse. The test and course was all click on the answer and drag and drop and check the circle and stuff and she refused to use the mouse because she doesn't like it and wants to do everything with the keyboard. I'm like wth. Next issue was that every term, every question, everything that popped up she had to ask my opinion on. To the point where I ended up hearing the entire course and having to help her on every question. This was maddening in many ways. First off, wtf, it's not my job or test. Secondly, there'd be like 10 questions and she'd ask me to answer 6 and she'd get 1 wrong out of 10 and it was my fault of course. Even though I'm sure the ones I answered were right! After 8+ hours of this I started drinking my dad's red wine and taking pain pills. And she didn't finish!

Thursday, I thought was going to be the one day I'd get some sleep, but no. I'll make this short, my mom decided I had to drive her to the bank, Publix, Walmart, Petsmart, CVS, and about 10 other places. I was at this point having medical issues from stress and lack of sleep during this whole week so far. I must have gone to the bathroom 30x that day, at least twice in every store. My insides were trying to escape my body I think. And when it was all done, the one thing I wanted out of all this was milk and the one thing I went home without was also milk. Not to mention the milkshake I got midway through the day to try to calm myself down was like bad or something. Had to go back cause it tasted like just horrible.

Friday, day 3 of this test from hell. The 8 hour test that ended up taking 15 hours. Throughout the day there were multiple issues with the testing program thing that had my mom call tech support 3x, one of which was an hour and a half call. ALL the problems were on THEIR end again btw. At one point it had her locked out for not answering security questions. But it never asked any. Another time it had locked her out completely because she was more than 20 mins on the same page. Each of these required calling and having a person on their end unlock it. I mean seriously, wth kind of online course is that? That's idiotic.

Anyhow, after spending $50 in gas that I didn't have to spend, which my mom reimbursed me a whopping $5 for and my dad gave me $20 at least. I get nothing out of all this but stress, medical flare ups, and sadness. Poor dog is gone. Got Portal 2 this week and have had less than an hour to even play it so far. Oh, and I never did get that milk I wanted. Saturday, slept 20ish hours. And here we are the week is finally over. Past midnight now so it's Sunday. And I'm now going back to sleep. I'm sad. I'm tired. And I feel like crap. And I miss the dog. =(

Almost neglected to mention my mom had me at the laundromat washing the old dog beds at 4am Friday night or Saturday morning after that all day of crap with that test and my dad and so forth.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Common Sense

What's common about it?

From the first 4 definitions only.
adjective, -er, -est, noun
belonging equally to, or shared alike by, two or more or all in question: common property; common interests.
pertaining or belonging equally to an entire community, nation, or culture; public: a common language or history; a common water-supply system.
joint; united: a common defense.
widespread; general; ordinary: common knowledge.

If that's true why is it that less than 1 out of every 100 people I meet, encounter, or otherwise have to deal with is capable of adding 2+2 (if they even can) and doesn't have the expression of a drunken bear on their face when asked even the most simple of questions?

I call shenanigans on whoever came up with the phrase "common sense". My experiences show me that the amount of sense that is "common" is barely enough to tie one's shoe.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Pet Peeve #248: Bag Boys That Put Two Gallons of Milk Into One Plastic Bag

Are there any plastic grocery bags capable of handling this? I think not! Not everyone can carry something that heavy even if the bag were to hold, I for one am just such a person. Do they not teach bag boys how to bag things before putting them on the job? Has common sense gone the way of the dodo?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Pet Peeve #315: People Who Use an Umbrella Like It's a Parasol

First off, don't say they're the same thing! I don't care about "common usage" they are NOT the same!

Umbrella, used to block rain. Made from a single water proof, air tight material. Usually made of rugged materials including metals and nylon. Yes, they block the sun as well. And they also block the wind making them a bit of a hassle to use if it's windy.

Parasol, used to block sun. Made from a wide variety of materials ranging from cotton and lace to rice paper and bamboo. These generally don't work well at blocking the rain. They block the sun fine. And they allow for air to get through making them lighter and easier to use when windy. They're also usually much more decorative and hence often times more fragile than a rugged metal and nylon umbrella.

More importantly, people look stupid walking down the street on a clear, hot, 90 degree, sunny day with a dang umbrella over their head!

To quote U.S.S. Enterprise Chief Engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott (the late James Montgomery "Jimmy" Doohan) in Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979), "How many times do I have to tell ya? The right tool for the right job!"

We seriously need more Goth in South Florida to educate these simpletons in such things as parasols, hoods, and "outerwear" because they're doing it all wrong!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wow, Meditation Good! I Almost Forgot How Much So!

I know I've preached about this before, many, many times. But sometimes I, like most people, get so caught up in the moment, in the unimportant nonsense that goes on around us every day that I forget the power of meditation. But then, something drives me to that breaking point, where I'm about to snap. It's then that I stop everything and meditate. And it NEVER ceases to amaze me the results. How I can go from so stressed and angry and frustrated to so calm and worry free in 10 - 15 mins for free with minimal effort anywhere at anytime.

As I've said before, for years I tried to meditate. Most of my life failing due to my mind racing and the inability to blank out thoughts. I tried everything I could think of, every idea I heard of, I even went so far is to try to picture a blank piece of white paper (an idea I got from the tv show The Greatest American Hero lol). And it was always constant fail. IF it wasn't a racing mind it was me just falling asleep at what I now guess would've been the exact point my mind would've been clear.

Then many years ago I thought I had figured it out. I thought I was meditating right. I was doing everything I had read about and seen. But it never seemed to do anything so I figured it was all a load of crap.

Couple years back I discovered a game, yes a GAME. On my Nintendo DS called Ninja Reflex. It had an entire section on mediation, why to meditate, and even a guided meditation. When I did it I realized something was different right away. The guided meditation unlike doing it on my own gave me something to focus on instead of trying to blank out racing thoughts and not fall asleep. I had a focal point. I felt better afterwards and was like wow, that really was something words can't explain. Something that can only be experienced for ones self.

I then began looking up more info on guided meditation and discovered a man, a great man. Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. Rinpoche is his title not part of his name. He's a Tibetan Buddhist monk AND, this is what got me, he is not only a master of meditation who travels the world teaching and is revered by people the world over... But, he's a scientist and psychologist of western science. AND he has a great sense of humor. The guy is a win / win / win. He explains why meditation works in a scientific manner with humor to boot.

I found a guided meditation and instruction video of his on youtube that was like 11 or 12 mins long. I watched it. I listened to his almost hypnotic voice. And when I was done I was like WOW. All those years I thought I knew what I was doing I didn't know jack shit. I felt amazing, calm, rested, healthier, just really good overall.

I've since listened to his audiobooks, youtube videos, read his webpages, etc. I was trying to meditate every day but every now and then I forget, I get caught up in other things, I put it off, and it fades from my mind for a bit.

Then, some stupid crap like the silly EverQuest guild nonsense I been going through since last night happens. Where I think I'm doing what's right and yet somehow everyone turns it around and makes it into something it was never intended to be. I'm a Gemini and mostly Sicilian. My moods change fast, abruptly, violently, and without warning. I also have anxiety attacks and other emotional issues I don't care to discuss here. So, when something like that goes wrong I tend to snap and react first and think later. Which is lame considering my IQ and life experience I should know better than to act fully on emotion without stopping to consider logic.

But, eventually, inevitably, I get to that breaking point, the I'm about to have an anxiety attack and just go totally ballistic on everyone feeling. That feeling like my spirit or soul is gonna leap right out of my body and start kicking ass and taking names lol. Then I remember... Let me meditate. And I do it, and JUST LIKE THAT EVERYTHING IS BETTER! Sounds too good to be true to those that have not actually experienced it for themselves. And sounds even harder to believe to those that THINK they have meditated right but have in fact not. There is a reason people the world over throughout and likely before recorded history have meditated. There's a reason there's cave paintings, hieroglyphs, runes and markings about meditation in every culture throughout the world. Simple fact is, that shit works.

I am still sitting here amazed even after having done this tons of times before now. I was stressed, I was anxious, I was violent, I was upset, I was physically becoming ill, I had puked, and I was just about ready to kill someone, anyone. And now, I feel like I would expect a bear to feel after having waken from a long period of hibernation. All that happened before is gone. Everything feels so calm, new, relaxed. I feel fine physically. I feel so good I kinda wanna take a nap, but I won't yet. lol

I know I've posted this story so many times before. But I can never emphasize enough how amazing it is when you do it correctly.

Now, that in mind. The absolute worst thing you can do after having meditated to calm down from some nonsense is to go back into said nonsense. Because you will go right back to where you were before and it'll be like you never did anything. And, why would you want to? I mean I meditated to calm down and put that nonsense behind me so why in the world would I then go jump back into it? Only stupid people would do that and I am FAR from stupid if I do say so myself and yes, I do.

So, there it is. I feel great again. It's like nothing ever happened in the first place. And suddenly my mind is back on all those good things I was happy about before the stupidity. Like DCUO this week, 3DS next month, Portal 2 in April, Thor movie, Green Lantern movie, and all that other stuff.

Meditation is like the greatest thing ever. What else can I say?

Fuck It!

At roughly 5pm EST today I stopped giving a shit. That is all.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Random Thoughts Going Through My Head

So, I'm just laying here thinking. Remembering how once I was part of "that" life most people live. Not just old relationships, but things like working, pretending to care about things I don't give a crap about, kissing people's asses for money, those kind of things. Strange to think back now, it's all such a blur, doesn't even seem like that was me or my life. The memories themselves are so strange like watching a movie or something I can't even relate to anymore.

Sure, growing up I was always a rebel. I never wanted to do anything anyone told me be it parents, teachers, whoever. But more often than not I gave in and did it anyhow. How strange it is now to even imagine caring about someone else as much as I did for ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends long since gone from my life. The very concept of work, of the millions of different jobs I had and how much I would never do them again even if I could.

My life is not better now, don't misunderstand. But it's not really worse either. Just different, very, very different. In every imaginable way. It took a lot all at once to get here. There was the naive child years of cartoons and comic books, video games and tv. The preteen years was traveling with parents and grandparent to just about everywhere. Then those outcast junior and senior high years. Then I snapped and went all out party freak, drugs, alcohol, clubs, out for days at a time, hard to imagine. Then all that stopped abruptly one day for no real reason except that I just stopped. Suddenly then came the Sci-Fi years. When I went back into what I loved as a child. Star Trek fan clubs, conventions, costumes, collectibles. What an extreme change. Each phase of my life came with it's own group of friends, it's own things I did and wanted to do, it's own set of ideas, and beliefs, each like a whole different person and life.

Then, I became disabled, ended up not working, had 13 operations and coded 3 times (code blue, flatlined, dead). At some point during that was that single defining moment that changes everything. When I suddenly realized that I don't care about what anyone thinks or says about anything and when I really began doing whatever I want whenever I want to. Problem being, it didn't take me long to realize I didn't actually want to do much of anything lol. I had already done so much and been through so much that I realized the one thing I wanted to do most was nothing. So, I did just that. Have spent the last 10+ years just gaming, the one constant though all phases of my life from little kid to drug addict and everything else was video games. So, I decided THAT was what I wanted to do. And that is what I've done.

This last year+ though many things have changed in my gaming worlds. And I'm starting to become bored with all that too. Not that I would ever stop, but I wish there was something else to do that was both worth doing and easy to do. Something that was fun and cheap. That I haven't already done in the billions of things I've done in the past. A hobby, a group, a place, a thing, something. But, I'm at a loss for ideas lol. So, I shall continue as is. Gaming. Doing whatever I want whenever I want. And not giving a shit about what anyone thinks about anything I say or do ever.

Such is life. (I'd just say "C'est la vie" but I'm not French...)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dedication to My Many Old Friends That Vanished...

So, I'm having an emotional sort of moment right now, not sure why. But, as the new year starts I keep thinking back about the past and all my old friends over the years that vanished, moved on, or I otherwise lost contact with for one reason or another.

I'd like to first point out to my current friends that this all has nothing to do with any of you. I know some of you tend to get weirded out when I post stuff like this. Love you all and this has nothing to do with you.

Even though none of the people in question will likely ever see this post, I just wanted to say in case any of you stumble upon it somehow someday that you are all missed and have never been forgotten.

These are all the people that had a profound impact on my life at some point for some reason. From all different periods of my life since childhood these were the friends that changed my life. Some were just good friends, that made hanging out and just every day life seem a little better and others are people I will always consider best friends. This does not include exboyfriends / exgirlfriends, just "friends".

Rodney Spurgeon
Konrad Nils Sara
Danilo Thomas Quintana
Howard Herbst
Marla Nyman
April Cerda
Felix Ramon Albuerne

and the late great Nathaniel Hurst RIP
forgive any name mispellings

Most of you vanished one day without an explanation or reason. And I hope one day we'll meet again.


Ok, so it's been kinda bothering me since I posted this. I think about these people literally every day for decades and decades in some cases. But, I feel bad having omitted my current friends. I just miss these people greatly and always hope that someday I'll see them again be it this life or whatever comes next.

But, I truly feel the following people MORE than deserve to be mentioned. These are the friends that either didn't disappear (yet lol) or that found me again after many, many years. You all also should know that you made some kind of impact on my life at some point and I just didn't feel right not mentioning you all, so here we go.

Norma Wills (you're the closest thing I've ever had to a sister, not that you need another one!)
Pat Wolf (or is it Wolfe my info has never been straight on that heh. We've had some crazy times together).
Jeff Hauser (We talk rarely & even though we haven't hung out in 10 years I consider you a great friend).
George Shult (or is it Shulte my info on that also been debatable over the years. You're definitely a "unique" individual).
Joe Dobson (You'll always be "Captain" to me).
Tom Woten (One of if not the the only classmate from high school that I can say I was actually friends with IN high school.)
And my many, many EverQuest gamer friends that number in the hundreds, too many to list. You've all made me laugh and we've had great fun for over a decade now and more to come hopefully!

<3 ALL

I'm tired...

Man, I really wanted to post something but I'm exhausted and can't keep my eyes open anymore.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

/bye 2010

So, I feel like I should say something about New Year's. Not sure what to say though so probably just going to ramble at this point.

2010, not the best year, lots of crap I could have done without. Not the worst year by any means though.

Cats are doing fine, parents are as good as can be expected at their age. Friends... most friends are like the tide, they come and they go. Very small handful of friends that stick around and they're all doing ok more or less.

Health wise I was in 3 different hospitals between Dec. 2009 and March 2010. But, I've been out since the last day of Feb. so that's a pretty long time for me I guess.

Had the bad news that my main doctor, my gastroenterologist has throat cancer, stage 2 I think. He was out of work most of the year but is back now. He's not doing too well though and I don't know how long it'll be before I'm forced to get a new doctor. After 15 or 16 years and 3 code blues and 13 operations with this doctor how do I replace him?

In other news, my EverQuest guild Fates Unbroken quit raiding. Was finally comfortable there after the fall of Stasis last year and bam that's that. And right after the server merge too. EverQuest has been my main past time for over 10 years and it's all changed drastically for me now. With the end of Stasis raids my friends spread out in many directions. After the server merge many more quit or moved to other servers. Then the fall of Fates Unbroken. And this new server is so different, I feel like I'm in a third world country when I play. They do everything different, loot, strategy, even the way they speak and terms they use. I feel like Dorothy lost in Oz with nothing but a damn dog. This year also brought House of Thule, the 2nd best EQ expansion ever and the best expansion in like 6 or 8 years or something.

In semi related news, the year ends with a server merge in EverQuest II as well. However this one seems to have gone pretty well. Nothing seems any different. I guess since only one person I know was playing before merger and that person still plays so not a whole lot to change lol. Not like what happened in EQ1.

2010 brought us some movies, most of which ended up sucking. A lot that looked promising for the Sci-Fi and Fantasy freaks that just bombed. Skyline was awful, Clash of the Titans bombed, Alice in Wonderland was just weird, Devil bleh M. Night Shyamalan really got lame, Robin Hood was kinda weird, Sherlock Holmes was crap, Mega Man major crap. Lots of disappointing movies. There were of course some good ones. First and foremost... TRON: Legacy! AMAZING movie, read my many other posts for more on that. Predators, better than I thought, pretty cool actually. Resident Evil: Afterlife, as good as the first 3 the series continues and is clearly set for a fifth movie after this one. Iron Man 2, fun, exciting, if you're a Marvel comic fan it's a must see. Grown Ups pretty fun if you're into Adam Sandler and a huge cast of great comedians. Inception, odd cast, awesome movie, very exciting, not for the low IQ people. Salt, not sure what to say about that movie. It's the best movie you'll ever hate. It had no end, just when it starts to make sense and get going and you're all ready for some answers suddenly you get ending credits. I'm still like what happened to the rest? lol It was great up until that point though.

TV brought us more of what we already had that was good such as House and NCIS. We also got The Event, an awesome show that's really hard to put into words. If you liked X-Files or Taken then you'd like The Event. I also came to like Covert Affairs with Piper Perabo and the show that comes on after The Event; Chase about a US Marshall.

All-in-all the year was kinda bleh. Biggest events I'll remember will be the release of TRON: Legacy and all the hype leading up to it. And my doctor getting sick. The rest, not significant enough to have left any lasting impression.

So, now here we are, 2011. hmmph. /shrug Guess we'll just wait and see what happens. If I look at my life and how things go in cycles of really bad to really good and some average uneventful years in between I'd have to say 2011 "should" actually be a really good year cause the last 2 or 3 have been bleh and the 6 or 7 before that were horrible. then the 3 or 4 before that were good, then about 7 years of crap before that. So, I "should" be looking at the beginning of a 2 to 4 year span of goodness. One can only hope lol.

Peace to anyone that actually reads this, and I guess to all those that don't too. Happy New Year's 2010 / 2011.