That's right, porn damnit! roflmao
Many times over the years I've searched for "post-op" transwoman porn. And only ever found pre-op or no-op shemale tranny porn. (which I HATE those words btw, they're derogatory and hurtful, but have to use them to explain what people call that) I've read plenty of patient comments and testimonials. I've seen countless post-op pics. But none of it made me feel truly comfortable about the surgery results.
Then last night when I couldn't sleep I stumbled upon something. On a transforum there was a topic, with a link, to a page, with a link, to a page, and so on. Eventually I came across a site with porn from actual, normal, post-op, transwomen. I was for the first time ever able to see other transwomen, after surgery, masturbating and having sex. And having orgasms, and enjoying it.
I think my first reaction was surprise. Even after all the pics and crap I've seen. I was surprised how normal everything looked and worked. It not only put me at ease, but made me very anxious and excited!
I had thought my fear was coming from the thought of not having parts I've had for so long. But now I realize it has nothing to do with the parts. My fear was the fear of not being able to have an orgasm again. And considering I'm horny 24/7, masturbate several times a day, and have a therapist that's been tossing around the phrase "sex addict" despite my 15 years of no sex, the thought of not being able to have an orgasm is horrific.
The irony of this is that my parts have been slowly shutting down and not working as well as they once did the last few months. This is of course from the HRT. So, in other words, things will actually work BETTER after surgery than they do now!
So I was worried? Worried about losing something that isn't working fully anymore? In exchange for something that will work great? Am I insane? I should be nothing but ecstatic like I am right now at the thought of it! Excited, anxious, impatient, and very much ready for surgery! Heck, I can't wait! This is going to be awesome! Dream come true, for real! *happy dance*
Somehow, it all seems oddly fitting that my peace of mind would come from porn of all things. LOL
No comments:
Post a Comment